Page 17 of Your Pace Or Mine

“I’ll talk to Seth tomorrow. We’ll go through our automated reporting system and figure out how to improve things.”

There’s a pause, then she asks, “Do you want to get together and discuss it? We could brainstorm.”

After our last encounter, I assumed she wouldn’t be up to seeing me in person for a long time. I snuck out at dawn, and she pretended to be asleep. How much more awkward could we be? Still, she’s put a lot of trust in me today, and we’ve always enjoyed getting together. “Why don’t you send me an email with some dates and we’ll go from there.”

After we say our goodbyes, I sit down to think before reaching out to Seth. He’s not going to like this, neither the extra work nor the grossness of these so-called men, a term I use loosely since clearly many of these guys have not matured since middle school. Instead of writing the email, I scroll through my message threads, wondering where I sit on the Predator-to-Respectful Guy You Bring Home to Your Parents continuum. I’ve always prided myself on being open and honest about what I want. I learned as a teenager that girls liked me but that I had to be careful not to mislead anyone into thinking I was boyfriend material. The women I’ve been with as an adult haven’t complained. At least not to me, although I’m now realizing I’ve set a pretty low bar for myself if no outright complaints is a point in my favor.

So I’m good, right? I open my laptop to email Seth and stare at the screen, thinking about those nasty messages. I don’t lash out when women aren’t interested, but have I ever come on too strong, made women uncomfortable, or suggested a physical relationship when they were just trying to have a conversation?

A memory flashes into my mind, a photo that a university friend showed me of my name on a bathroom stall wall at one of the campus bars. “For a good time, call Sebastian R” surrounded by hearts. It was a boost to my twenty-year-old ego. Underneath, someone had written “Total man whore. Hook up at your own risk.” I laughed at the time, was even flattered to be seen as somewhat scandalous, but now I realize it wasn’t funny after all.

Mr. Six Reel (with transcript)

Mr. Six appears in his cap wearing a black T-shirt.

“Hey everyone! It’s Mr. Six again, and today I’m going to talk about rejection. Ouch. It stings. I’ve been dating since I was a wee lad of fifteen, so that’s, well, a lot of years. And while I’ve been fairly successful over the years, I’ve had my share of rejections, some of them painful. I don’t calculate the yes to no ratio of my efforts on this app, but let’s just say I’ve had a lot of women ignore my messages or decline straight away. And you know what? That’s okay. They’re not the right person for me and vice versa. The point of the app is to find the right people, which means weeding out the wrong ones.

“Back when I was a kid, they used to tell us to persevere, be like that guy in the movie who keeps asking, but that’s BS. A no is a no. Maybe she doesn’t like your vibe, maybe she’s having a bad week, or maybe she met the love of her life yesterday. It’s not your business.

“I’m saying this as someone affiliated with the app, but also as a guy who gets rejected as often as he gets an enthusiastic yes. Harassing someone who rejected you isn’t a good look. Not everyone’s going to love you or even like you, and the people who don’t are not the right fit.

“Maybe assess your approach if it happens a lot, because starting messages to strangers with ‘Hey baby girl’ probably isn’t your best move. There’s someone else for you.

“Let’s keep this app safe and happy for everyone.”

Comments:

YES. Thanks for saying that. The number of dudes who can’t take no for an answer is disturbing.

Sad that this has to be said, but glad you’re saying it. Can you do something about the pics though? My dude, we do not want this from a stranger. Please no.

But what if you just KNOW you’re the right fit and she’s missing out? What then? No stupid reel is gonna tell me not to slap back.

Reply from Single In The Six Official to above:

Nope. No means no. If it’s meant to be, wait for the universe to reunite you. Single In The Six encourages users to report anyone who won’t take no for an answer.

EIGHT

ASHLEY

My first date as Miss Midtown turns out to be fun. Well, as fun as it can be considering I end up hanging two stories above the ground. But the instructor is helpful, and Brock doesn’t laugh at me when I have a momentary panic. We go for appetizers afterward and get to know each other. He’s average height and fit, and I can’t say I didn’t ogle his butt while he was climbing, though I’m not a huge fan of his man bun. I don’t feel like there’s a lot of chemistry; our kiss at the end of the night is solidly average, but I’d be willing to give him another go. Maybe there’s something to be said for playing the field with no expectations.

On Friday, I meet a guy named Alec in the east end for indoor mini golf. The commitment to regular dates is forcing me to be more creative—my liver can’t handle going to bars every other night. Alec and I have a very competitive round of miniature golf followed by drinks, with me opting for club soda since I’m running the next morning. He’s broad shouldered with sexy stubble, and when he runs his hand up my leg in the booth, I get shivers.

“Can I come over?” he whispers in my ear, taking a pause from kissing the side of my neck.

I weigh my options. As a rule, I don’t love having men in my space unless I know them, plus I’d have to kick him out since I’ve got an early morning run. I made an exception for Sebastian, but we’re old friends. Anyway, that wasn’t exactly me acting with great judgment.

“Can’t we go to your place. I’m across town and I have an early morning.”

“I’d rather yours.”

My face heats up in annoyance. Yes, he’s hot, but you don’t get to invite yourself into my home. I’m a single woman and I live alone, and that puts me in a risky position when it comes to men I don’t know well.

I pull away. “Sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

He looks down at his hands. “The thing is, I live with my parents. That is, my parents and I live together.”