Page 118 of Torin

Every hour they fail to find me is another hour Bennett looks like the man refusing to tell them where he’s hidden me. He’s sitting in a cell because he tried to help me, and now Torin and his family are being dragged into it too. Torin should be recovering from his injuries, but he’s out patrolling the forest with Gunnar and Orson because the search could bring deputies straight to the lodge. Alexandria is sleeping down the hall while Gunnar risks exposing a secret his family has protected for generations.

None of them had anything to do with my father until they met me, and as long as I’m missing, this is only going to get worse. Bennett stays in custody, the search keeps spreading and my father keeps looking for new ways to force me out.

Because that’s what he’s doing. He doesn’t care about Bennett, or whether the allegations against him make any sense. Bennett is useful because I care about him. Arresting him gives my father another way to put pressure on me.

And that means I still have something he wants.

Finding me isn’t enough. My father has spent five days telling everyone that I’m vulnerable and confused, that someone else is responsible for my disappearance. He doesn’t want deputies dragging me out of the mountains while I tell every reporter who’ll listen exactly why I ran away. He wants me to come home willingly and confirm the story he’s already told them.

And that gives me something to bargain with.

If I walk into the sheriff’s department, there’ll be a dozen people watching. They’ll see that I’m alive, that I’m thinking clearly and that I came back by myself. Dad can’t simply make me disappear after that—not without everyone asking questions.

More importantly, he needs my cooperation. He needs me standing beside him, telling the world he was right.

I could give him that. I could tell everyone I left because I was frightened and confused. I could stop making allegations against him and let him play the gracious father welcoming his troubled daughter home. In return, he drops the case against Bennett.

It would mean giving him almost everything he wants, and there’s no guarantee he’d keep his word. He could agree to anything and turn on me the second he had me back. But I don’t have to go home first. I can make Bennett’s freedom the condition of my cooperation and see what my father is willing to offer.

It’s a gamble, but so is staying here. Every day I remain missing is another day Bennett sits in custody and another day the search moves closer to the lodge. Torin and his family will keep putting themselves at risk to protect me, because that’s who they are.

Because that’s who he is.

The thought of leaving Torin is almost enough to make the whole plan collapse. I’ve known him for only a few days, and somehow, I already know exactly what it will feel like to walk away from him.

“I love you,” I whisper into the empty room.

The words don’t surprise me. They simply hurt, because loving him doesn’t change what I have to do.

I need to go back.

I make my way quietly down the hallway, listening for movement from Alexandria’s room. All is quiet.

In my room, I change into my own clothes and pack my phone, charger and purse. I fold Alexandria’s borrowed clothes and leave them on the bed, then zip my backpack closed.

I can’t just disappear without saying anything. There’s a notepad and pen on the little desk beneath the window. I sit down, but for a while I can’t think what to write.

There are too many things I want to say.

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

I can’t write the last one.

In the end, I write:

Torin,

I’m so sorry. Please don’t look for me.

Thank you for showing me what it feels like to be safe.

Hannah

I read it once, fold the page in half and slip it into my pocket.