Page 69 of Mountain Void

“No,” he said, his voice harsh. “Don’t apologize. Don’t apologize. The way I treated you, afterwards … the things I said …”

Charlie frowned. What was he talking about?

She didn’t like Lorenz’s pained expression.

She didn’t want him to hurt.

Maybe she should have waited to have this conversation until the next day. Until exhaustion wasn’t pressing in on her from all sides. Until she could read his expression properly. But no, it was better to talk now. Better for both of them.

“We both made mistakes, Lorenz,” she said.

“No,” he said firmly. “The mistake was all mine. Those words,” he said, and his voice was ragged, coming from his very soul, “were the biggest mistake of my life. You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined what life would be like if I hadn’t said them out loud.”

“Stop, Lorenz. Please.” Because she couldn’t bear to hear him say those words again.

Lorenz

Charlie’s face lost all color. She braced her hands against her knees, but that only made the tremors she struggled to hide more evident.

“Charlie …” he said.

He stopped.

What could he say?

Once again, he’d managed to break something.

He could feel her pulling away already.

“Charlie, please. I’m sorry.” The words, weak and inadequate as they were, scraped out from deep within him. “I should have said it a long time ago.”

Almost seven years too late, but he’d say the words now, as many times as it took. Until she had no choice but to believe him.

She raised her eyes, her expression fierce.

“You’ve got this all wrong, Lorenz.”

He stilled.

“I didn’t leave because I was angry, or because I couldn’t forgive you.” The soft column in her neck moved as she swallowed. “What you said that night hit home … but it was for a different reason.”

He reached for her hand on instinct, but she pulled hers back immediately, putting her hand back on the blanket on her lap.

“No. Let me finish. You might not want to hold my hand when I’m done.”

Cold traced down his spine. “What … what are you talking about, Charlie?”

“The only excuse I have is that I was younger. I was hurting. We both were. So I didn’t tell you the truth.” Her eyes filled with tears, and he wanted so badly to reach out to her, but forced himself to stay still as she continued. “After we lost our baby … I couldn’t have any more.”

“I wasn’t saying we should have a baby right then. That’s not what I—”

Charlie’s face grew stony.

“You still don’t understand, Lorenz.” She took a deep breath. “After the miscarriage, I was told I wouldn’t have more children. Ever.”

His breath left his lungs. It felt like missing a step at the end of a long descent, your body expecting ground that wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough. I made you think …” She let out a quiet sigh. “Who knows what I made you think. But this is the truth, Lorenz. I wasn’t going to be able to give you the family you deserve.”