Page 29 of Sawyer’s Mistake

She couldn’t get his words out of her head.

“Come on, Saoirse,” he said, tugging her gently towards the open doors.

“Did you really mean that?” she asked.

“Did I mean what?” he asked, his green eyes serious.

“You said you would have cut off your arm if that’s what it took. Did you mean … like you would have done it for anybody else in the team?”

He thought about it for a second. “I like to think I would have the courage to do the same for anybody else in the team,” he said, repeating her words. “But with you, there was never a choice.”

“Why?”

He looked at her like he was surprised she needed him to say it out loud.

“You’re important to me,” he finally said. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

He jumped down and held her hand gently with his right hand, helping her jump from the van. She turned the lights off and locked it. Suddenly, the courtyard felt oppressively dark. She inched closer to him until their sides were touching.

“Breathe, Saoirse,” he said gently. He seemed to be aware of her discomfort. “Everything’s okay. Zander is keeping first watch, and there’s an alarmed perimeter around the complex. We’ll know if it’s breached, even by something as small as a fox.”

“I just … it’s so dark,” she said, lamely.

“I’ll let you in on a secret. I’ve always hated the dark.”

“You?” She laughed. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, I’m being serious.”

His green eyes twinkled. A strand of hair fell on his face, and she itched to brush it away. She took a small step to the side, distancing herself from him.

“Listen, Jake, I’m grateful for what you’re trying to do. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not feeling—”

“It’s completely normal,” he said. “You’ve been through a traumatic experience. You need time.”

“No!” she cried. She couldn’t bear it if he also tried to coddle her now. “Eva didn’t react like this after she was taken. You don’t seem affected at all either, even though you were tortured. Even Alix seems to be doing better than me, and she was a prisoner for months.”

He huffed impatiently until his uninjured hand found hers in the dark again.

“Is that what this is about? You’re much too clever to spend your time comparing yourself to other people, Saoirse,” he whispered. His voice was gruff but not unkind.

“I shouldn’t do that, should I?” she smiled a small smile.

They reached the house and he keyed in the number on the electronic lock they’d installed. He walked her gently towards the staircase.

“What are we doing?” she asked.

“My room. Second floor.”

What am I doing?

The thought of going to Sawyer’s room forced equal amounts of panic and excitement through her. The two feelings warred within her for an instant, but excitement won. She didn’t know why he’d taken an interest in her, but she knew she’d always regret if she didn’t at least see where this could lead.

She thought back to the mostly disappointing sexual encounters she’d had before the alien invasion, the way she’d never found it easy to tell her partners what she really needed. Sawyer’s strong, hard body bumped into her from behind. Somehow, she imagined sex with him would be anything but disappointing.

“What are you smiling about?” he whispered as they reached the second landing.

She shook her head. She wasn’t about to tell him what she’d been thinking about.