Page 88 of Let’s Be Real

Adrian slapped his arm. “For the last time, the idea of ever having sex with Samantha repulses me to my core. And from what I’ve heard, sex is an important part of marriage. Right, Roman?”

Roman covered Ruby’s ears. “Very important for me. Not for everyone. Maybe Adrian doesn’t like sex, and that’s okay.”

“I like sex just fine,” Adrian said.

Ben gave him a skeptical look. “Is it weird sex? Like, stuff Sammie doesn’t want to do?”

Roman made a choking sound. “I don’t need to know what kind of weird sex Adrian is into.”

Ben looked back and forth between them before settling on Adrian again. “I’m interested. What weird things are you into that freaked Sammie out?”

“You’re being judgmental,” Roman said.

Ben was unfazed. “I’m curious, all right? Sue me. I mean, I get if Adrian wants her to wear a strap-on and she’s not into that. It’s kind of tragic when you think about it. True love with this one thing keeping them apart.” Ben patted Adrian’s knee. “Couldn’t you give up getting pegged for her? Isn’t she worth it?”

Adrian held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. When did this become about me? We’re here to confront Nate.”

“I’m okay with continuing Ben’s line of questioning,” I piped in.

Ben nodded. “Answer the question, Ade.”

Adrian ignored him. “I think it’s time for Nate to answer some questions.”

Roman refocused on me. “He’s right.”

Admitting defeat, I sighed. “Did this really require an intervention-style visit from all three of you? This could have taken place in the group chat.”

“You would have ignored it,” Roman said.

“I wouldn’t have,” I protested. “I don’t always reply to every single message—of which there are an overwhelming number—”

“I like to talk,” Ben interjected. “If I don’t get my thoughts out in real time, I forget them.”

“Maybe that would be for the best,” Adrian mumbled, earning him another smack.

I went on like neither had said anything, “—but I read everything you guys message, and if there’s something directed toward me, I almost always reply. Besides, even if this did require an in-person discussion, I think it’s between Adrian and me.”

Ben shrugged. “He asked us to be here.”

“I did,” Ade confirmed. “I told them you haven’t been sleeping.”

Roman grew serious, his gaze pinned on me. “That’s not okay, Nate. Both keeping your struggles from us and you not sleeping. That’s not something that can continue long term. We know where it can lead.”

“Which is why I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week to talk about adjusting my medication.”

“Good. That’s really good.” He patted Ruby as she gurgled and rubbed her face against his chest. “You can’t keep your struggles secret. We need to know what’s happening.”

It’d been almost twenty years since it had all gotten to be too much for me. Almost twenty years since Roman had found me half-conscious after I’d shoved pills down my throat. Lucky for me, I didn’t remember much of it beyond flashes of moments.

Roman did.

And all these years later, it still played in Technicolor behind his haunted eyes. Not just today. There’d been many other times I’d find him staring at me and know he was thinking about it.

We both carried it. Different sides of the same coin. The cause and the effect.

Most days, I was glad he’d found me. Some days, I wished he hadn’t.

Not that I didn’t want to be here, I regretted burdening him with those memories—the worries he’d never be free of.