Page 60 of We Drank the Dawn

As if by mutual agreement, we looked down at our trays and picked up our forks. The gravy dripping down the side of my mashed potatoes had congealed and the tomato sauce on the meatloaf glistened like plastic in the fluorescent lighting. The green beans were stone cold and my chocolate ice cream on the corner of my tray puddled along the sides of the bowl.

I wrinkled my nose as I poked the potatoes.

“You know what.” Peter nodded down at his food. “This is a dessert-first kind of day.” With loads of fanfare, he grabbed his dish of vanilla ice cream and squished it down in the center of his plate, potatoes and meat oozing to the sides, making way for the main event.

I giggled as he took a big forkful of ice cream and grinned up at me. Peter made me happier than anything in the entire world. Once Peter hit ninth grade, he got placed in honors in almost every subject. I didn’t have classes with him anymore and the only slivers of time we got together were lunch hour and basketball games.

It had been a long, grueling summer without him. For ten weeks I worried that he’d come back for his sophomore year too cool for me—grown out of our friendship. But he’d wrapped me in a hug that melted me down to my toes then set our schedules side by side, giving a victory fist pump when he realized our lunch hours overlapped. He declared I had no choice but to sit with him every day.

I returned his grin, matching his energy and letting my dessert bowl plop into the center of my plate. I dipped my spoon in, relishing in the way tension had spun out of my limbs. Suddenly remembering something, I said, “Oh! Why did you want me to call you last night?”

Peter averted his eyes as if suddenly uncomfortable. “Uh, well…”

My heart shot into my throat, my limbs falling weak with dread. “What is it?”

Reading my expression, he raised a hand. “Oh, it’s nothing bad. I just, uh, didn’t want to tell you like this…” Red blotches spread over his cheeks. “Um, but I guess I will…”

I wanted to shake the words out of him to ease my discomfort faster.

He clasped his hands together over the top of the table, feigning relaxation, but his foot tapped on the tile beneath the table. “I needed to tell you that I, uhm, have had feelings for you for a long time, and I want to know if you have them too.”

My lungs turned to steel as my heart fell into my stomach, my insides jumbling as if I was riding a rollercoaster. “Feelings?” The word came on a breath.

“Yeah. I like you.”

“Like me?” I parroted him, completely disbelieving my ears and wondering if I was in a really good, really life-like dream.

He rubbed the back of his neck, giving a soft laugh. “I know your parents might not let you officially date me, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” He rushed to add. “If you want that.”

I nodded. “I want that.”

The hope that dawned on his face was so adorable I melted. “You do?”

“Yeah. I like you, too.”

“Really?” He pressed his lips together, denying himself a full smile.

“Really.”

“Okay. Good.”

A moment of silence passed, and it should’ve felt awkward, but it wasn’t. My heart soared through the clouds, and I grinned like a fool, but this was the moment of my dreams. I tried to memorize the way I felt—fluttery, warm, and weak. Like my stomach was dipping and jumping all at the same time. Like my heart had stopped forever yet started for the first time.

It seemed too good to be true.

A screech of excitement toyed at the bottom of my throat and I had to rein in my joy. Peter tapped my foot under the table with his own. “What?”

“Nothing.” I giggled. “I’m just happy.”

He tapped my foot again, but didn’t move it away this time. “Me too.”

Turning off the light in my bedroom that night, I dove beneath the covers with a flashlight and flicked it on. Ignoring the way heat gathered under the comforter with my heavy and excited breaths, I maneuvered the light until it pointed down at a hot pink zebra-striped piece of stationary.

And I poured out my hopes and dreams.

Stripping away the allure of new places and shiny things, I wrote down only the basics.

The few things I wanted most of all.