Page 182 of We Drank the Dawn

Tag whispered, “You there, Coop?”

I slowly nodded. “Yeah…I’m here.”

Tag sighed with relief, sitting back on his heels.

Jesse stayed quiet.

When Tag spoke again, his voice shook, his own demons probably showing up for the fight. “I need to make sure you’re hearin’ this.”

“I’m hearing.”

“The only thing in the barn that was irreplaceable was my brother.”

I blinked. For some reason, I expected him to say Tillie or the horses or something.

“I could live with losin’ the rest of it, but I couldn’t live with losin’ you. Any voice in your head tellin’ you you’re better off dead is a lie, Coop.”

“There’s so many,” I whispered.

“Voices?”

I nodded.

“Shit—I know.” The words pained him. “I know there is. Sometimes it feels like a whole damn choir of people, doesn’t it?”

I nodded again.

“It took me a long time to understand that my worth has nothin’ to do with how much people value me. All life is a miracle and protectin’ it is a way we can confront the darkness in this world. I don’t care how many times you screw up—you have a place here with me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t deserve that.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I. But lovin’ folks isn’t about givin’ them what they deserve most of the time.” He took a deep breath, changing direction. “Hop in the truck. I’m gonna park the rig and unload the horses, then you and me are gettin’ in the Chevy and to goin’ to the ER, okay?”

“What about the barn?”

“What about it?”

“I’m not getting fired?”

“I think we’ve had enough fire for one night.” He stood and offered me his hand. “Come on. My to-do list quadrupled, and I need your help.”

A weary smile pulled into my cheeks as I let him pull me off the ground.

SIXTY-TWO

Peter

Itiptoed into the fifth wheel in desperate need of a shower. I smelled like a bad mix of smoke and pond and body odor. My jeans had dried stiff. And the long sleeve shirt I’d put on was probably covered in soot. My eyes prickled with exhaustion, and my shoulders sagged.

Sarah had retired to bed a few hours ago, along with Hollie and Bea, who went back to their homes to get some sleep before daybreak. But I stayed back with the cowboys, who picked through the rubble, looking for anything salvageable.

When they found usable tack, I got to work waxing and buffing, running my fingers across each piece, looking for damage. Maybe we should’ve all gone to bed, but everyone was wound up and eager to help in some way.

We were having coffee and a cold breakfast on the porch when Tag and Jesse showed up. But Tag didn’t stay. He put Cooper in his Chevrolet and went straight to Kerrville. Everyone was relieved that Cooper had agreed to see a doctor.

Jesse joined us for a little coffee though, and we filled him in on the details the best we could. Finally, he ordered everyone to bed, reminding us that the messes would keep for a few hours while we rested. I was so wired that I thought it would be impossible to go to sleep, but as I grabbed some clothes and Sarah’s ring from the bunkhouse and walked down to the fifth wheel, my energy vaporized like water on hot asphalt.

Shedding my clothes, I stepped into the bathroom shower, scrubbing my arms and face and chest. Part of me wondered if I shouldn’t have let myself in without asking Sarah first, but based on where we had left things, I figured Sarah would want me close by. And I didn’t know if I was capable of sleeping another night without tucking her against my chest.