Page 75 of Falling for the Enemy

“So I started jerking off.”

“What?” She drew back, her face appalled.

“Yeah,” he grinned proudly. “I’d picture you all pissed off, but without clothes. I imagined you in every position possible, begging and moaning, as I’d come all over you.”

“You fucking pervert.”

He grinned. “Sometimes I came so hard I saw stars.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know it pisses you off.” He bumped his shoulder against hers. “I mentally violated you for years and you didn’t have a clue.”

“You’re a pig.”

“Yup.” He shifted his foot, walking it two inches to the right so he could brush the sole of his shoe against the sole of her boot. “Imagine my shock when you took your shirt off and actually shoved my hand in your panties that day.”

Her head lowered, and her hair fell over her shoulder, hiding her face.

“God, it was better than any fantasy I ever had. You were so wet. So warm. I thought, this is my chance to get back at you for all the times you embarrassed me, for the years you tortured me.” Something shifted in his chest as he remembered how easily he could have seized that overdue retribution. “But I couldn’t do it.” He swallowed, his throat tight. “The second you touched me, I was…lost. Even when I tried to use you, tried to tell myself I earned the right and paid my dues, there was something there, under the surface, that made it impossible for me to cross that line.” He reached for her, closing his hand around her fingers, around the penny. “I think it’s always been there, Joce, this protective bond we have for each other. And I think you’re scared because you feel it, too.”

He took her silence as a good sign. It had to mean something that she wasn’t bolting.

In the process of trying to convince her, he’d validated a few things for himself.

He hadn’t lied when he told her how much he wanted her. She wasn’t the only one nervous about what came next. He liked her enough that he didn’t want to screw this up. But the longer he confessed his feelings, the more he realized how deeply he truly felt for her. And while she might fling out four-letter words like a trucker in traffic, there was one four-letter word he knew she couldn’t handle. Not yet, at least. So he said as much as he could without saying too much.

“There’s always been something inside of me that wants to protect you. Even though you’re one of the toughest women I’ve ever met.”

She gripped the side of her head as if trying to cover her ears.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

“I…can’t believe you, Soren.”

“Why? I’ve never lied to you⁠—”

“I know you’re telling the truth, but the second I start depending on others, they leave.”

“Hey.” He pulled her arms down and turned her to face him, pushing back her hair, startled to find tears in her eyes. “Jesus, Joce. No, don’t do that.” He traced his thumb along the soft flesh under her eyes and cursed when two more tears fell. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” She sniffled. “Today’s been a lot.”

“Talk to me.” He continued to wipe her cheeks. “Help me understand what you’re feeling.”

She sniffed and smeared the makeup around her eyes. “Everyone’s suddenly pregnant. It’s like I missed a chapter.” She wiped the back of her hand under her nose. “Every month, there’s another announcement. So-and-so is Engaged, Save the Date, Mr. and Mrs. Puke Welcome Another Belly Goblin—Ugh! Sorry. That sounds horrible. I swear, I’m actually a romantic and very happy for everyone’s good news, but sometimes it’s suffocating living in Pleasantville.”

“You’re not horrible.” He laughed. “I think most people find the plastering of announcements annoying.”

“It’s not that I’m unhappy. I’m thrilled for Wren and Greyson!”

“Of course, you are. But I get it, Joce. We’re not where they are and we’re also not in our twenties anymore.”

“There’s so much pressure lately to figure out our futures, and maybe I just want things to stay exactly where they are.”

“You don’t have to change just because other people are changing.”

She wiped her eyes again, and a mask of impenetrable composure slid into place. “I know you want kids, Soren.”