Page 78 of Hollywood, Ending

“That’s really hurtful,” I say. I can feel the tears behind my eyes and I try to stop them but I can’t.

There is such coldness in his voice. “Who sent you, anyway? The studio?”

“The studio told me where you were, but I wanted to come.”

“How’d they find me?”

“They had people trace your credit cards.”

“That’s so fucked up,” he says. “Even without my phone they can track me. They think they own me.”

“But I wanted to see you. To make sure you’re alive.”

“I’m magnificent,” he says. “I am living the dream.”

“Will you come home with me?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Kai,” I say.

“You wanted to see if I’m okay. I’m okay. Mission accomplished.”

_____

I walk away, hoping he’ll call after me and apologize. But he lets me go. I walk back to my villa and let myself cry a little. He is right about the premiere, of course. I shouldn’t have said, What are we gonna do? But what are we gonna do? How can you respond to betrayal when all the responses make your life worse?

I wonder if Kai is right about me, that I am still just chasing my mom’s dream. After Star Catcher wrapped, Mom told me I would probably never work again on anything of significance. She told me this while hammered, of course, but still, she said it, and now I have vanquished her, finally proving her wrong. I’ve never had a movie get near these reviews, near this buzz, and I do feel like I have something to prove to her even though she is dead. Maybe especially because she is dead.

_____________

I walk down to my little private beach and lie in the sun and call Jamie.

“It’s still early, but we’re slightly overperforming expectations,” she says.

“Slightly?”

“I think we’re looking closer to a twenty-five million opening than twenty, which is amazing. I won’t lie, with our momentum I was imagining we might even get to thirty, but twenty-five is miraculous. And that’s just domestic. Almost double the budget without a significant ad spend. We’re gonna win the weekend. And the CinemaScore is good: A-minus.”

“Minus?”

“Juniper, you are hard to please.”

“But the test scores were so high.”

“This is a win. Twenty-five is a massive win. This project is mostly a stepping stone, anyway. And now you step to Gods of Andromeda.”

Every project is about the next one. Real success is right out there, just past the horizon line.

“This movie isn’t about the first week. It’s about the first decade. It’s whether it’s in the awards conversation. We’ve got a long way to go. Just get that kid’s head straight and we’ll be fine. But we need him for a campaign. You can’t win shit in this town without a good campaign.”

_____________

I stay down at the beach for a long time. I want Kai to come and find me, but I know he won’t. I read for a while, and discover an Emily Dickinson poem I really like. I’m not even sure what the poem is about, but I like how it ends:

So We must meet apart –

You there – I – here –