Page 81 of Manhattan Kiss

He’s right, and I’d been planning to go to California, but I’d told Brian that I couldn’t make it at the last minute. I wanted to stay in New York and have dinner with Aurora instead.

Jesus, I can’t admit that to Ben. He’ll think I’m going soft. Or he’ll think things are serious with Aurora. But they’re not. At least they’re not as serious as he’ll assume they are.

When she told me yesterday that she couldn’t see me on her next day off, it was like a punch to the gut. Jealousy had surged in me at the thought that she might be seeing another guy. We haven’t had any kind of talk about being exclusive, but I absolutely don’t want anyone else when I can have Aurora. It makes no sense. But I don’t know if she feels the same, although we see each other every chance we get and text each other when we’re not together.

And how can I ask her? She’s leaving in just over a month. What can I say? “Hey, you wanna fuck just me while you’re in town?”

Even with Gabby, we never had that kind of conversation. We slept together for about three months before she got pregnant. After she was pregnant, most of our conversations were practical. We had to figure out where we were going to live and who was going to have time off when. We weren’t driven by our feelings. We were led by the fact we were bringing a human life into the world.

And what I felt for Gabby wasn’t anything in comparison to what I feel for Aurora. Part of me wants to ditch the birthday party I have to attend and ask if I can be her plus-one to her family thing on Saturday night. Or it wasn’t a family thing, it was a friend-of-the-family thing. There’s so much I don’t know about her. So much I want to know about her. But we’ll get timed out at some point.

“Deacon?” Ben barks, bringing me back to our conversation. He’s been talking while I’ve been lost in my thoughts about Aurora. “Are you in the zone or being an ignorant prick?”

“Do I have to choose?” I reply.

“Are you thinking about Aurora?” he asks.

I don’t respond.

“Are you in love with her?” he asks.

My heart thunders, and I don’t know if it’s the incline or his question. I still don’t answer. I’ve never been in love. It would be impossible to fall in love with a woman who lives on a different continent, and who I’ve only known for a few weeks.

That couldn’t happen.

“Let’s just work out,” I snap.

“Oh my god,” Ben says. “I never thought I’d see the day when Deacon Black fell in love.”

“I’m not in love, you prick. I’m focused on my workout. There’s a difference.”

“You think Gabby getting engaged has let you move on? Maybe you had at the back of your head that you might get back together at some point, and now she’s getting married, so it’s allowed you to focus on something else.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask him. “I’m not hung up on Gabby. Never have been.”

“I know you weren’t in love with her,” he says, “but I think you thought you might⁠—”

“No,” I say. “I never thought Gabby and I were going to get back together.” Gabby and I weren’t ever compatible anywhere but the bedroom. That became pretty clear immediately. It’s not that we hate each other, but we don’t get each other. I don’t have that much to say to her, beyond things about Willow. And I’m sure she feels the same way. I don’t think we had sex together once after Willow was born. Things just died between us when we moved in together.

“It was nothing to do with Gabby that stopped me…Aurora coming over was just convenient. She works weird hours, so it’s difficult to find a good time to hang out.” It wasn’t just convenience that had me inviting Aurora over. The idea of not having her over was unbearable. I couldn’t not see her.

“But it’s more than just sex between you and Aurora. Or you would’ve just had her come round when Willow was already in bed.”

There’s no denying that it’s more than sex. Much more. But so what? “My priorities remain my daughter and my business, in that order.” The words sound hollow as they come out. But those two things do take up so much time that I’m not sure how anything, or anyone, else would fit.

“Priorities shift,” Ben says.

“Can we change the subject?” I ask. “Talking about this with you is pissing me off.” My priorities have already shifted. Not that I’ve abandoned Willow or my business, but Aurora has brought change to my life already. It’s not bad. It’s good. But I’m not sure what the long-term implications are for my life. I’m not sure what I want the implications to be.

He chuckles. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you in love?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says. “Completely in love with making money.”

I grin. I get it. Ben and I have similar backgrounds. We weren’t exactly poor growing up, but having enough money to know that I’ll never have to worry about anything financial is a good feeling.

“Can I meet her?” Ben asks. “If she’s important to you, I’d like to.”