Page 102 of Manhattan Kiss

His words land like an anvil at my feet, tugging my heart with it.

There it is. There’s the bad news I’ve been expecting ever since we danced at Ryder’s birthday party. The chink of light seals up like a zip closing a winter coat and it’s gone.

Disappeared.

I’m plunged into darkness.

It’s over.

I can see the flaws in his argument. However hard he tries, Willow will have to endure pain at some point in her life. But I stay silent. There’s no point in saying anything. He can’t hear me, and I’m not here to convince someone that they have room in their life for me.

“I should go.” I stand up and wipe down my jeans like they’re covered in…I don’t know what. I need to be cleansed of something. Of this feeling of hopelessness that’s growing inside me. I need air. I need space. I need to get away from here.

For weeks now, Deacon has been the only place I’ve wanted to be. But now? Now all I can think about is leaving this house, him, New York City.

I want to go home.

THIRTY-FOUR

Aurora

I’m standing in reception, my heart still heavy, my mind still fuzzy, going through the bookings for the coming weeks. That’s not unusual. I’m certainly not attracting attention, but I know this isn’t what I should be doing. What I’m focused on is Room 325. I’m trying to figure out when Deacon’s going to stop coming to the hotel because the nesting arrangement he and Gabby have has changed.

I need to be quick. Deacon usually comes to the hotel sometime between eight and nine. I don’t want to be standing in reception when he’s here, but I want to find out when he’s no longer going to be our guest.

I need to know when I can stop hiding.

From what he’s said, Gabby wants the nesting arrangement to end sooner rather than later. When it does, Deacon won’t need to stay at the hotel because he’ll be full-time at his townhouse.

I don’t want to run into Deacon at any point before I leave New York if I can help it. Not seeing him is all I can think about. Even though we’ve only known each other weeks, what I feel for him is so strong, losing him is like losing a piece of myself. It’s like I’m broken without him and I’m not sure I’ll ever work again.

I managed to leave his house without losing it, but then I went back to my flat and cried all night. I’ve cried every day since.

I cried for Deacon and the hope of loving someone for the rest of my life.

I cried for the life and family I’ve wanted since I’ve been a teenager.

I cried for all the pregnancies I won’t ever have.

I’d never felt so alone. So hopeless.

I managed to crawl out of bed, and for three days, I came to work and just went through the motions. I can’t remember anything about those days. I was just surviving.

Today, he’ll be checking in. It’s there on my screen—his booking right up until Wednesday. I figure I can do my best to avoid him. I’ve moved one of my shifts, which means tomorrow, Monday, I’ll come in early and will have left by the time he returns after work. I only have to avoid him at breakfast time. Today might be a little more difficult because he’s here most of the day. But I’ll figure it out.

My entire time in New York has been about Deacon. In my final three weeks, I just want him to disappear.

I quickly check the time on my watch. It’s almost eight. I need to get out of here. I know he usually doesn’t leave the townhouse until eight, but I don’t want to take any chances.

I go back to the home screen on the computer in front of me and look up. Poppy is standing just outside her office on the other side of reception. She beckons me over with a nod of the head.

“Hi,” I say as I greet her. “Are you trying to catch up?” I ask. Poppy’s not usually at the hotel on a Sunday.

“I’m eating an elephant,” she says. “There’s no end to the work I have to do.” We head back into the office she shares with Avril. “Now with Boston on the horizon, I think I’m going to have to speed up the process of getting a junior to help me with some stuff.”

The mention of Boston makes my stomach roil. They’re expanding, and they were counting on me to help them in this hotel so they were freed up. “Sounds like you need to have some things taken off your plate.”

She smiles and takes a seat at the table under the window, just as Avril comes in.