Page 31 of Scouting the Single Dad

Is that a fucking thing?

No.

It’s not.

She isn’t . . .

Layla isn’t the kind of woman who inspires fantasies. She’s simple and normal and has freckles on the bridge of her nose.

All I know is I’m noticing the curve of her mouth, the way her eyes sparkle like she’s in on a joke no one else caught, the way she looks more real than anyone I’ve sat across from in a long damn time.

I hate that I’m noticing.

And if Benny notices me noticing? I’m screwed.

My spawn reaches for another dinner roll like a raccoon who’s discovered a garbage buffet. “So, Layla. What’s your instant-connection checklist? A spark? The way a guy says hello? Dad says hello like ‘HELL-low.’” She drags the syllables into a grunt. “It’s very romantic.”

“Can you not make me sound like a caveman?”

“Well, stop sounding like one.” Benny pushes, wanting desperately to rope her new friend into commonalities. “What’s the first thing you notice about someone?”

Layla thinks for a beat, then shrugs lightly. “Their smile, probably.”

My child immediately swivels toward me, loud groan accompanying her frown. “Dad doesn’t smile. Ever. So, check that off the list.”

“I smile,” I argue.

“Only at me. And dogs.”

“That counts,” I say, affronted.

“No, it doesn’t,” Benny says, buttering her roll. “That’s like discount smiling. Not the real kind people fall in love over.”

“Someone could totally fall in love with my smile,” I continue arguing, stopping myself short because what the fuck am I doing? I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want—

“Smile once,” Benny demands. “Let us see.”

I smile.

“Dad! That’s not a smile, that’s . . . that’s . . . You look like a serial killer,” Benny finishes, recoiling theatrically in her chair. “It’s so bad.”

Layla’s hand flies up to cover her mouth, but it’s too late—the laugh slips through anyway, soft at first, then louder.

“Do it again, Dad.” Benny waves her little hand around as she bosses me. “With your eyes this time. Less teeth. More human and less Beast.”

I grit my molars, which only makes my so-called smile worse.

“Yikesss.” Benny drags out the word. “If that’s the best you’ve got, no wonder you’re single.”

My jaw tics. “I’m single because I choose to be single.”

I have plenty of options! Women throw themselves at me, ask anyone on my team!

Benny snorts so loud the couple at the next table turn their heads to get a look at the Loud Talker. “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that.”

Layla is openly laughing, cheeks flushed, shoulders shaking. “Honestly? You do look constipated.”

“Maybe I am,” I snap, wanting this entire day to be over. “You two are conspiring against me.”