Page 38 of Ashes to Ash’s

Chapter Twenty-Four

Ash

We stared at each other for seconds that felt like fucking forever, and then we were kissing, and I honestly didn’t even know who made the first move, but his tongue was thrusting against mine, like he couldn’t get enough of me, even after I stealth-snowballed him.

“Please don’t be fucking with me, Cal, I can’t take that,” I whispered as I rested my forehead against his. He sucked in a sharp breath, and it sounded ragged to me. He was on the edge of something, but was it what I wanted? Did he truly want it? Would I do it anyway?

“Back to the bedroom, babe.” I guided him in front of me, watching his firm ass as he walked, already desperate to spread his cheeks, and see that little winking hole that I wanted to stretch for him.

Cal paused, staring at the bed, then glanced at me over his shoulder.

“Can… can I lean my arms on the bed, and you… can we do it like that?” So he could face away from me, and deny our love? I was tempted to say hell no, and force him to look me in the eye as he took my cock, but maybe he needed it this way first, so he could deal with all these feelings he’d been suppressing for his entire life. Maybe we had to break his walls one at a time, instead of bulldozing them all at once.

I rested a palm on his scarred back, and he flinched, forcing himself to stay in place and accept my touch.

“I’m scared, Ash.”

I had no words of comfort for him, because I was the last fucker who’d be able to say the right thing right now, but I knew he needed something. I wished I knew what, but all I knew how to do was to be me.

“We’re both trying something new, Cal, so let’s just be scared together, yeah? I’m not planning on hurting you, so if I do, just tell me.”

His head had been lowered, but he turned to look at me again, allowing my hand to smooth around his side, and rest against his abdomen.

“What? You’ve… you’ve never… either? That wasn’t bullshit? You really waited for me?”

Huh. Maybe it was a big deal to him that I hadn’t. Who knew. We were both avoiding the subject of who else got there first with both of us. She didn’t fucking exist anymore, literally.

“I only wanted it to be you, and for as long as you didn’t want me, I went without too. I watch a fuckload of porn though, so I know what to do. Trust me, okay?”

Cal nodded, moving over to the bed and leaning on his hands, glancing back over his shoulder, and trying to smile at me, his lips trembling a little. He was terrified, and if I’m honest, I wasn’t feeling supremely confident, no matter how much I’d pretended to be. I didn’t want to tell him I was a scared almost virgin too. Almost, because of… nope, not giving that bitch another second of my time.

I checked the drawer by the side of the bed, finding lube, almost like this house was planned for these kinds of shenanigans, and knowing my dads, it probably was.

“I’m gonna touch you now, Cal. You flinch every time, so I’m giving you a chance to prepare.” He nodded, turning to watch me approach him again, one hand stroking my cock, because guess who’s back to play.

“Don’t hurt me, Ash. Not… not this time. I need… Jesus, I’m such a fucking coward. I need it to feel good.”

Yeah, don’t we all. I hoped I wouldn’t hurt him, but I was new to this too, so who knew what could happen. Had I stretched and finger fucked my own ass, obviously, but I hadn’t done it to someone else. What if I did it wrong? Should I ask my dads first? They did this stuff, they’d know.

“Ash… are you… you don’t want me?”

Fuck. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel like he wasn’t all I fucking wanted. I tossed the bottle of lube on the bed, and shoved him so he fell forward against the bed, crawling on top of him, and pinning him with my entire fucking body. His gasp turned into a more guttural, ragged sound.

“Baby, don’t fucking try that shit with me. Don’t go thinking you’re not the only fucking thing in this world I want. I didn’t do all of this because I wasn’t sure what I wanted. It’s always been you, and it always fucking will be. You know how you get away from me now? No. Fucking. Way. Even if you die, I’ll follow you into hell, and you know what? You outlive me, and I’ll follow you around as a ghost, and fucking ecto-cum in you every second of every fucking day. You’ll be wearing it inside and out, until you die and join me. That’s how sure I am that this is it. Us. It’s all we’ll ever fucking be, and if you try to get out of it, or leave me, I’ll kill us both.”

Cal

I was struck silent by his words, by his twisted declaration that he seemed to think was appropriate to say to another human being. Or was it really that twisted? Was it any different than a wedding vow? Was it any different than a lifelong commitment between two people who loved each other? Aside from the ‘ecto-cum’ thing, because that was pure Ash.

“Ecto-cum?”

Ash groaned, sliding a hand between us, and squeezing one of my ass cheeks. I hadn’t missed the fact that his cock was trapped between us, resting right across the crevice he wanted to breach.

“What’s wrong with that? You think ghosts don’t get off? What else is left to do once you’re dead?”

Maybe I’d lost my mind, because why did some of his crazy shit start to sound like it made sense? And why wasn’t I freaked out by his closeness? By the fact that right now we were pressed so tightly together, and naked, that it wouldn’t take much for us to be fucking?

Addressing the subject of ghosts felt too close to faith, and all the things I was trying to forget, and knowing I could handle his closeness right now was making me want more.