Page 19 of Ashes to Ash’s

“Dad, help. I… I think I’ve been raped.”

It took dad Dory about fifteen minutes to reach the hotel, and when he knocked on the door, I was still wrapped in the bedding, and it took me a good few minutes to make it over there without tipping over.

He took one look at me and cursed. “I want names, Ash. Who am I killing for this?”

I scrubbed a hand over my face and tried to head for the bed again, but my legs got caught in the sheet, and I tripped. If dad hadn’t caught my arm, I’d have faceplanted on the floor right in front of him.

“He drugged you? Jesus, let’s sit you down, and you can tell me what happened.”

Dad got me settled on the bed again, wrapped in the bedding, and made us a coffee with the in-room supplies, sitting down across from me.

“Ash, firstly, don’t worry about anything you tell me. This is not your fault, okay? I won’t judge, and I won’t blame you for any of it. I need to know though, because nobody fucks with our kids and survives it.”

I stared at the brown liquid steaming in the small mug and took a deep breath, wondering how the hell to explain something I had no real memory of, just a sickening feeling in my stomach telling me everything here was wrong.

“Wish I knew, dad. I… I met Cal in the bar downstairs, and he was with a friend. A woman. I uh… I know I had some weird girly drink with them, and she left, but we came up here, and… I think there was something in that drink. I vaguely remember feeling like I was going to pass out.”

Dad groaned, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Jesus. Okay, did you pass out, do you know?”

I tightened my grip on the cup, wanting to crush it and feel something. Anything.

“There are flashes of stuff. I know there was sex, but… I … next thing I was waking up in this bed, and he told me… he said…”

Dad reached out and caught one of my hands, squeezing it lightly.

“No shame, remember? I need to be honest here though, Ash. I know you like this kid, but he dies for this. He raped my son, and I won’t-”

“No. It wasn’t him. It… it was her.”

Dad froze, his frown deepening. “Her who? The bitch from the bar?” For once, having super smart dads worked in my favour, because all I had to do was nod.

“Do you remember her name?”

My mind wasn’t clear on a whole bunch of stuff, I mean, some of the early details were clear, and I could see her face, but for some fucking reason her name kept eluding me. It happened though. I was sure of that. I had a vague recollection of being touched, sucked, I remembered coming, and all of that was in weird flashes, but what suddenly hit me really fucking hard was that it happened here. In this bed. On the covers I was wrapped in. Fuck. I didn’t want that touching me.

I lurched up from the bed, spilling coffee as I moved, and started frantically trying to unwrap the bedding. Dad, to his credit, didn’t hesitate, getting up and helping me slip out of them. From there, he helped me to the small shower, and lingered by the door in case I needed help, while I tried to wash her filthy touch from my body.

I think we ended up checking out later than Cal’s booking allowed for, but that was his problem. So would I be, though. He had no idea what the fuck would come for him, but I knew he’d pay for this. Maybe even with his life.

Callum

Guilt is a pretty powerful thing. I avoided Elizabeth as I left the hotel, and drove away, but I didn’t go home, because I couldn’t face my parents right now. I went to the local park, walking through the woods, until I found a small clearing that nobody seemed to bother to walk out to, and I sat on the muddy ground at the foot of a tree.

What did I do? Why in the world did I do it? Did I think it would help him like it helped me? Did I think I could fix him? The look on his face when he woke and realised something had happened without his consent. Consent. The one thing a person should always, always respect, and I’d forced him beyond any consent, and allowed a woman to abuse him. That was what it was. Abuse. It was, wasn’t it? Wasn’t that how I’d felt after my experience with her? Didn’t I go back to my room at uncle’s house and cry for hours? Why had I forgotten how it made me feel at the time? Why had I forgotten that part? Why had I conveniently pushed it all aside, and dated the girls he insisted on, and pretended that I was normal? When did that become as natural as being my real self? When did it become part of me to just accept the touches of women without wishing they’d stay away?

Ash might have been a crazy fucker, but he’d trusted me last night. He’d come to meet me in good faith, and sure, he’d planned to force me into sex, but did he really deserve for me to turn that on him?

He never would have chosen her. I never chose her. I had no choice back then, and now I’d forced him through the same hell I’d been through.

I clutched my hair in my fists as my breaths started to turn to gasps, growing more ragged and agonising, until they were sobs, and then nothing could have held back the torrent of heartbreak and grief from escaping.

I cried. I cried like I’d lost everything. Like I’d destroyed my life. Like I had nothing left to live for. And I did it knowing that I’d done exactly that to someone else too.

Chapter Thirteen

Ash