Page 79 of Shifter Omegaverse AU

He was about to lean in for another kiss when a thought occurred to him. “Wait, you brought a dildo…in your work backpack?”

Milo blinked up at him, somehow the picture of innocence, even as they lay spread out and completely debauched on Rowan’s bed. “Well, I gift wrapped it, so it wouldn’t look suspicious. The dilator case looks like any old technology case, and the dildo is a present!”

“For yourself,” Rowan said.

Milo grinned even wider. “Exactly!”

Rowan’s hawk kee-awwed, but Rowan didn’t need the nudge. “Is it an extra one? Do you want to leave it here?”

“It is new,” Milo said, averting their gaze down to Rowan’s chest. “I, uh, tried to guess what your dimensions might be and bought one that should be around the same size. It also…knots.”

“Oh, wow,” Rowan said, standing up from his awkward bent-over position. “That’s…very thorough.”

“I’ve always wanted to try a knotting dildo,” Milo said, stretching their arms up above their head, creating a very pretty picture of sex and decadence on Rowan’s bed. “I wasn’t sure if knotting was something you liked doing, and I don’t want you to feel pressured, so I thought I would just solve my own problem.”

Solve Rowan’s problem, more like.

Something must have shown on Rowan’s face because Milo scrambled up into a seated position. “I can return it if that makes you uncomfortable, though. I just thought it might be fun to play with together, but it’s not, like, to replace you or one up you or anything. I just think that while toys are fine when I’m alone, they’re really fun with a partner. I’m down to try anything and everything you’re up for, but only if you think it’s fun, too.”

Rowan’s head was beginning to spin as his hawk hopped around, somehow still bobbing his head while doing so.

“I think it could be fun?” he said, because the idea of knotting Milo was fun, even if it was only with a dildo. They’d look so pretty, stuck on his knot or the toy’s knot. They were always on the move, bouncing and flitting around. What would it be like to pin them down and just…be with them? They could kiss, or talk, or just lie together. “Why don’t you bring it to the cabin this weekend?”

Milo shot off the bed like a rocket. “Oh my gods, yes! What a perfect idea! We’re going to have so much fun. We can read, eat, play games, and definitely try out some more toys. I have so many ideas!” they said as they scurried into the bathroom, presumably to clean off.

Rowan looked over the pile of used dilators, as well as the three that had rolled across his floor. It definitely wasn’t how he had envisioned their third date going.

It was somehow so much better.

16

Author’s Note:

Andddd we’re back to feeling feelings. Ugh, I hate feeling feelings.

Just kidding, I’ve been told it’s “good for you.”

Milo

The fog was thicker than usual.

It permeated Milo’s dreams and hung around their head and shoulders like a shroud. By the time Thursday arrived, Milo was so short on sleep they felt like they were trudging through knee-high water. Even their energetic pony was showing signs of fatigue.

The anniversary of Anabelle’s death was in six days, and thus far, Milo had been doing a pretty impressive job of not thinking about it. There were so many other pressing matters to attend to, like cautiously supporting Ray and wholeheartedly throwing themself into their relationship with Rowan.

They didn’t have time to be sad. Besides, it had been two whole years. Shouldn’t they be over it by now?

Their pony whinnied softly, and Milo buried their head under their pillow.

Yeah, they knew that was an entire pasture worth of horse poop. The chasm in their chest felt just as wide and just as raw as the day Anabelle had died. Time didn’t seem to heal wounds; it just made them easier to avoid.

The problem was, they didn’t want to avoid thinking about Anabelle. The further their relationship with Rowan progressed, the more they missed her. It was the big things, like missing her advice and steadying presence, but it was also the little things, like the games she would play with them. She could guess, with almost 100% accuracy, what type of fabric a piece of clothing was made of. Milo would try to find the most obscure fabrics when they went thrift shopping, like mycelium leather or spider silk, and she would always guess them correctly. She was also an expert-level taste tester. Whatever the heck had been wrong with those muffins all those weeks ago, Anabelle would have been able to tell in a heartbeat.

Milo wanted to tell Rowan all of this, but every time they tried to approach the edge of the cliff, everything went white. It scared their pony, and quite frankly, it was beginning to scare Milo. They hated how cut off it made them feel, not just from people on the outside, but also from themself on the inside.

They were so proud of how far they’d come in their gender discovery, even without Anabelle by their side, but the fog was threatening to obscure that again. Their “magic potion” soda concoction of gender had gone flat and flavorless. They didn’t feel like crafting fabulously nonconforming outfits or pairing patterns and colors in new and surprising ways.

They just wanted to sleep.