Page 37 of A Million To Fall

I nod. “I’ll see what I can do.”

A quiet moment passes between us. There are so many things I want to say, so many questions to ask—what happened, what went wrong. Not just with Eddie, but before that. When my dad died and she… disappeared on me. But it’s too much. Too many years. Too much pain.

“Where were you, Mom?” I finally ask. “After I left. Where did you go? Where did you take Cass and Bronx?” The memory of that phone call with Miss Janine is still so fresh.

She covers her mouth like it physically hurts. “Boss…” Her voice cracks. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want you to go. I love you. I need you to know that. Cassie and Bronx… they cried for weeks after you left. Eddie moved us overnight. We were with him after that.”

I frown. That asshole. He sicced his boys on my mom. Beat me unconscious. Broke my hand and forced me out of my own home at seventeen. And my little siblings were made to live with him? At five and six years old? Completely defenseless?

“He never touched Cassie and Bronx,” she says quickly, like she can sense the tension rising in my shoulders. “They were safe. I made sure they went to school. Cassie loves to draw. She’s so talented. And Bronx started playing soccer. He’s good, baby. He scores all the time.”

“That’s good, Mom.” The words feel small, irrelevant.

She watches me, hesitant. “How about you, Boss? Are you okay?”

I meet her eyes, this close to saying “no.” That I’ve slept in urine-soaked public bathrooms, that I’ve gone days without eating, that I work four jobs only to live in my car. That I spiral into panic attacks almost every night. But what would that accomplish?

So I force a smile. “I’m alright.”

Relief brightens her expression. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. You’re just… you’re a man, now. So tall and strong. So handsome,” she repeats. “Do you have someone special?”

I raise an eyebrow. “You mean a girl?”

She nods.

I shake my head. “No.”

Hookups. I have hookups. Mostly with this girl from the gym. She’s more than happy with casual sex and has no idea about my… situation.

My mom looks disappointed.

“I’m just really busy, Mom,” I offer, then decide to switch gears. “How long are you gonna be in here?”

“As soon as Eddie’s out, he’s posting my bail,” she says. “It should be soon. My next hearing’s in a few weeks.”

My jaw ticks. Eddie. Fucking Eddie. It takes everything in me not to react. After everything that happened—after what he did—she still won’t let him go. But at least that means he got locked up, too.

Still, Cassie and Bronx are my priority. I spend the next minutes asking my mom about them, trying to picture them now, to imagine how different they might look. After all, two years is a long time for little people. It’s painful to think they’re almost eight and nine years old now when the last time I saw them, Bronx still wore toddler-sized clothes. He always was a tiny dude.

The guard calls out a five-minute warning. My pulse kicks up.

“Listen, Mom, I have to go back… home. But, I’ll try to figure something out, okay? I’ll try to get in touch with the caseworker and—”

“You’re gonna get them?” she cuts in, pleading.

“I’m gonna try, Mom.” It’s the only promise I trust myself to make.

“Okay,” she breathes.

“Mom, call my cell when they let you and give me the contact info for the caseworker. I don’t know when I’ll come back, but… I’ll figure it out.” I pause. “I’m going to put some money on your books.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she says.

“Yeah, I do. I don’t have much, but you can at least—I don’t know—get yourself a fucking candy bar.”

“Boss, language,” she scolds, half-laughing.

I chuff. “Mom, your boyfriend beat the shit out of me and kicked me out of my own home. I think I’m allowed to say ‘fuck.’”