Page 154 of A Million To Fall

“No,” I cut him off, stepping closer again. “Don’t say that. Don’t make this something transactional.”

My voice cracks. My heart is pounding so hard I feel it in my throat.

“I didn’t do it because you needed me to. I did it because I needed me to. Because it’s you, Boss. It always has been.”

His throat works around a swallow.

Silence.

“What you said yesterday, about wanting to be with me before you even understood what that meant…” My voice wobbles. “I feel the same way. I’ve always felt it. Even when I didn’t realize it. Even when I was too young or too stupid or too scared to understand it, it was there.”

The tears come before I can stop them. Hot and fast.

“It’s always been you.” I choke back a sob. “When you disappeared… I missed you every single day. Every hour. Every breath. There was this hole in me. This constant emptiness I didn’t know how to fill. Not truly. For a long time I tried to convince myself that I felt that way because you were my friend. Because we had known each other since we were little. But deep down, I knew it was more than that.”

I blink through the blur of tears. “And then you were back. That night at AJ’s… god, Boss.” I take a steadying breath. “My heart just… lurched. Like it knew. Like it remembered something. It remembered you.”

I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand, but the tears keep coming.

“And I tried to suppress it because, you know, Archer and just all the expectations, but… These past two months—they’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. Even with all the chaos being near you, talking to you… it’s the only thing that’s felt real.”

He still doesn’t speak, but his eyes are soft, filled with emotion.

“I needed to help you, Boss. I can’t stand seeing you hurt. It’s like I’m hurting right alongside you. So I talked to Mr. Longfellow, asked him to help your mom. To dismiss the prostitution charge and give her a chance at rehab instead of prison.”

His brows pull tight.

“And he agreed,” I choke out.

“But not out of the goodness of his heart,” Boston finally says, his voice a tight growl.

I shake my head. “He doesn’t like that I’m connected to you. That I associate with you. I don’t think he suspects you and I…” I don’t finish the sentence. “But he doesn’t have to. To Mr. Longfellow, reputation is everything. He’s got this image in Stillwater—and beyond, actually. He has political aspirations and he said my friendship with you is a stain. He talked about my future with Archer, that there’s an image to uphold.”

Boston nods, though I don’t get the impression it’s out of agreement with anything Archer’s dad said.

“So he told you he’d help my mom so long as you stay away from me, right?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“He told me the same thing today. After my mom’s hearing, after he agreed to send her to a program. He basically threatened to derail my mom’s diversion if I didn’t stay away from his family, which I guess includes you.”

I should be surprised, but I’m not. Not really. When I first broached the topic with Mr. Longfellow, I thought I was playing chess. But I realized immediately that I was no match for him.

I square my shoulders. “The only way he was going to give your mom a chance was if I agreed to stay with Archer and away from you.”

He studies me, eyes narrowed. “If you agreed to stay with Archer? Did you… were you contemplating leaving him?”

My heart squeezes at the note of hopefulness in his voice. I don’t speak. Just look at him. Obviously, I’ve thought about leaving Archer. More than once over the past couple of months. Especially after that night in New York. I haven’t told Boston about it. I haven’t told anyone. And I’m not going to.

He searches my face for another beat before wincing and turning away. His hand rakes through his hair. “Fuck, Skye. You sold yourself to buy my family mercy.”

“No.” I shake my head, grabbing at his bicep, forcing him back around. “I chose it, Boss. I couldn’t watch you hurt anymore. I couldn’t watch you spin your wheels, not getting anywhere no matter how hard you tried, how much you wanted to help your family. I just couldn’t. This way, I know your mom gets a chance.”

His hands drag down his face. “And what about what I want, Skye? You think I give a shit about chances if it means losing you? Even the little bit I get of you is more than I…” He trails off with a desperate groan.

“Boss,” I whisper, stepping close enough to rest my hand over his racing heart.

His breath catches beneath my palm.