Page 62 of Jinxes and Drumsticks

How does he know about that? Is it just obvious?

My phone buzzes and I look down, seeing Lillith’s name come up on the screen.

“Don’t read it,” Aemon says. “Don’t let her keep you at her beck and call.”

I glare over at him and when our eyes meet, his widen. His hand falls from the back of my neck before he holds them both up in a gesture of surrender.

“I see this is a lost cause,” he says with an unbothered shrug. He reaches into his inner pocket and produces a business card, handing it to me. “If you change your mind about following this woman around like a little puppy, feel free to give me a call.”

“Fuck you,” I say, my rage suddenly returning full force.

I don’t notice him slip away. I’m too busy looking down at the phone.

I’m really sorry for ghosting you all day. Can we talk on the phone? Or are you too busy?

Generally speaking, I am never too busy for you. Specifically speaking, I am sort of shitfaced at the moment. And I don’t want to slur out something humiliating I’ll regret later. Raincheck?

The dots appear, then vanish, then appear again. Like she’s typing messages out and deleting them before trying again.

Is that my fault?

I want to send back a resounding ‘yes’. The desire to win her heart through acting pitiful and pathetic is strong. But my therapist has informed me that this is manipulation. I don’t want to do that to Lillith. So I say something that’s true and doesn’t fault her for my unhealthy coping strategies.

I was really scared I fucked up royally. I don’t do well with that, so I decided to try and numb my anxiety with alcohol. It’s not your fault that I respond to emotional triggers like this.

But I did trigger the emotion. :(

A sad face emoticon has never felt so validating or comforting. She cares. She does.

But is it enough? Maybe she’s just indulging me. With the way I’m falling for her, I don’t know if I can keep this lukewarm, mixed signals thing we have going on. I don’t ever do things by half measures, and there’s no way I can be measured with Lillith. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to go all in—and I don’t even mean sex. We could wait years to fuck for all I care.

But I do want to show her to everyone. I want her to be enmeshed in my world. I want the guys to know her and I want people to see her with me. I want to tell the world that she’s mine. And if she’s too embarrassed to be seen with me in public... Well. That obviously isn’t going to fucking work.

I’m feeling a lot better now that I’m hearing from you. I’m in no state to talk tonight, but I do want to call you. Can I call you when I get a moment in the next few days?

Of course you can.

I set the phone down and sigh. It buzzes a few seconds later.

Damien, I just want you to know. If this is a concern over thinking I feel at all unsure of you. I’m not. I promise. There are some complications, that’s all.

I stare at that text dozens of times over the next few days as our schedules refuse to line up. I try to believe them.

I really fucking do.

But I just... can’t.

ㅤ

Damien and I don’t get an opportunity to get on the phone and talk things out.

I try not to beat myself up for ignoring the intuitive pull to text him back all day. But I know better than that. I know to trust my gut. But I’ve been so terrified of my curse bleeding into his life that it’s made everything feel jumbled and unsure.

Of course I want to be his girlfriend. When I saw the text message, I almost floated into the aether with glee.

But I can’t start a relationship with secrets between us.

And there are some really big fucking secrets between us. Ones that could spell the end of us. And I want him to know exactly what he’s signing up for with me.