Page 77 of Of Shadows and Blood

“That’s the thing, it shouldn’t have. It was destiny. Erees blessed us.”

Tears well in my eyes for so many crazy, unbelievable reasons. Night has fallen, so the room is dimmed and only the moon shines on his profile.

His hand raises to my cheek before I can stop it. My breath betrays me and hitches. My body does not want to move away now. I lean into his touch, the calluses on his palm scratching my jaw.

“You were never required to be with me. Our parents wanted to secure our lines with the most powerful match in history. But I never made you do anything. Even now, Liv, you have a choice. You do not need to try for me, to be with me. Say the word and you can go live any life you wish. If I have a chance at securing your health and happiness, I need to take it.”

I scent his own tears, but I can’t open my eyes. I can’t see him in this moment, but he forces me to. His hand moves to my chin, tilting my head up.

“Look at me,” he breathes, watching the delicate tears fall from my face.

I obey.

“I chose you,” I say.

“Yes.”

“But, I was bred to be your wife, Cedric. I was bred to be yours. From the moment I was born, I was always born to be this. To carry your heirs. To be queen or be nothing. What choice is that? How could I step away from royal obligation? Because I do not remember, I do not believe.”

“That’s not how it is, Liv, just listen to what I am saying. I tried refusing the match, just as you did! Hell, you refused the match more than I did by a landslide.” He rises, rage boiling behind his eyes.

“I don’t remember any of that. How could I?” I strike. “I asked, so this is my fault. But do not shame me for processing this information because it sounds like I didn’t and don’t have a choice. It’s hard to imagine being happy here, at Lux, when for two years I was the happiest in my coma.” My words find their mark.

“Am I to be forever in comparison with my brother?”

“I–I do not know,” I groan.

“Tell me what you remember about him.” My head whips over to him. Asking this will only result in more hurt. More pain.

“Sawyer is kind and gentle and protective. Someone whose word is stronger than bond, though I now know that is no longer the truth. But I am faced with tackling the memories deep in here.” I point to my head. “We share too many and those are the ones, the only ones, that I can remember. When I was asleep, that is all I knew.” I set my cup down and move to the book once more. “Everything was a deceit. Fragments here and there of betrayal or confusion. I am trying, Cedric.”

The last sentence slips out.

Cedric growls. “It appears his disappointment in reality is no match for whatever idea of him you have in your head. He manipulated you, Liv. I tried to get through to you and barely could because he had his claws so deep in your mind. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Of course it does.”

“Did you decide that before or after you fled into the night with him?”

“What?” I try to steel my form, but I can feel the shakes, the hum of energy in my fingertips. He knew.

“The square. Sawyer tipped off my guards you had plans. He was worried about your behavior. Garreth notified me when we returned from Duresden. He had no intention of joining you. Why you protected him, I do not know.”

My head pounds.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he concedes. “Please forgive me.”

I turn from the book and face him fully. My dress catches the dying flames from the candelabras. His formal tunic makes him more strapping and lethal, but I force those thoughts away.

“Are you still afraid of me?” I barely hear him ask, but I shake my head. He nods once and turns on his heel to leave, but some force drives me to grab his hand, damp with anxiety.

I hold him. “You are no monster. I am not myself, but I am trying.”

Cedric squeezes my hand back before releasing and opening the door. “We don’t have to end every interaction like this every time. When you truly realize that I am not the enemy, that I just want what is best for you, even if it isn’t me… come find me, Liv.”

Chapter 19

Lineages sprout a millennium back. Tracing idle lines is the work of a nonbeliever. Knowing one’s history is not as important as knowing one’s present.