Page 32 of Of Shadows and Blood

He was never human.

And apparently neither was I.

My entire sense of life has been ripped away and he was instrumental in that. A strong part of me believes, naively so, that he did it out of care. We obviously have some sort of history between us that stretches beyond the village. Beyond being human.

But how any of it is possible… I still can’t explain.

Leaving is not in his motivations, I sense that. Despite the obvious problems at court, Sawyer is the prince. My Sawyer, an ordinary, albeit wonderful, friend and confidant, is a prince.

A part of me still hopes, desperately, that I am a doppelganger or a lost twin to Elivienne, but that uncanny portrait and my body’s reaction to blood ruled that explanation out.

My name is not Liv, though I feel most like her.

I am not a human.

And I have – Elivienne has – substantial meaning to the king of a very large, very powerful kingdom.

And I do not remember anything or anyone within it. But do I need to? It was a mistake trusting Cedric the way I did last night. It makes me vulnerable. It makes me weak. They want me to give in and give up myself.

I fear that my prolonged stay here will complicate the situation even more. I fear that staying, waiting for a solution, will hurt me more than I am hurt now. Elivienne may have stayed, but as Liv I crave a life of my own as I always have. Before the chaos, the confusion, the stress of this. My desire is to find home again, wherever it may be. Although beautiful, the confines of the castle serve me nothing – they aren’t mine at all. Rubbing shoulders with strangers and a friend I hardly recognize any more is not how I want to live.

Do I have to accept this reality? I’m a prisoner. Though it seems everyone around me is convinced otherwise, I feel like I am. I’m being forced to live a life that’s been thrust upon me without warning.

Who truly was Elivienne? What is her purpose here besides a betrothal?

I cannot ignore that there are some advantages to my situation: the ability to gather as much knowledge as I can. The more information I have of the castle, the guard shifts and where exactly Lux is, the better.

I swing my legs to the edge of the bed and stare out the mismatched window wall. Light filters in from the trees, illuminating the forest floor. It all looks ethereal. My feet pad on the cool floor of the kitchen to warm up another pot of water for some tea. The kitchen is now completely stocked.

“What the—”

My eyes catch the lack of mess in the living room. All of the baskets of food have been stacked, the goods put away. The blood that once stained the floor and walls has been cleaned up.

Someone was in here, a maid I guess. But I don’t quite enjoy the knowledge that someone was in my space while I was asleep.

Safety, my ass.

I immediately fold my arms, rubbing away the goosebumps. Padding across the kitchen, I sniff and smell a small residual aroma of blood. My stomach rumbles but I decide to place a kettle on for tea.

From the cupboard Lee used, I pull a few tins of tea out. Briefly, I smell each one.

Elys, mint and some herb mixture.

I opt for the mint, needing the extra jolt of energy to get through this day. Whatever Cedric plans for me, I know it cannot be good. I need to have my wits about me. Letting my guard down is not an option.

The kettle whistles and I pour it into a flower-shaped teacup. The brew steeps and I check some of the drawers in the kitchen. In one there are washcloths, another has loose-leaf paper, and the last has utensils. They’re all mismatched and bent, as if they’ve seen battle.

Weighing my options, and there aren’t many, I pull out a half-rusted kitchen knife. Flipping it over, I examine the condition it’s in. Not good – and too big to hide on my person. I put it back in the drawer and slide it shut with my hip.

Today’s mission is to get a better lay of the land. From the exterior and little I have been guided through, I assume – I know – the castle is large and complicated, but maybe I could start with the grounds. Examining the clothes in the armoire, I settle on a simple black gown. No frills, no lace. Just something I can sneak around in. The last thing I need is to be recognized. The shoe selection is limited to mostly pretty slippers but I spot some riding boots sitting in the back. I slide them on and shove the knife inside. Before I leave, I quickly gulp down my tea and throw a hooded cape on.

I nearly forget my hand is needed to unlock the spells binding the door. That much, I do remember. The zap beneath my palm has the same effect as pinching to see if you are dreaming.

However, this is not a dream.

Cedric stands in front of me with a group of what look like more healers. I inhale sharply and go to close the door, but he places a hand on it. “Please,” he manages to whisper.

“Can I help you?”