Page 118 of Of Shadows and Blood

I have no order to give so I close my eyes and try to go away to that space within, that kernel of energy that is protective. My innermost self, my innermost way of living.

At some point, the bed heavies with two other bodies. I know they are there with me, near me, acting as community or solidarity. They shouldn’t be but they are. And so we lay like this throughout the movement of the moon and the lightening of the stars as the sun moves into position. Red and green stained glass reflects upon the golden frame of my portrait. I have yet to stop staring at her.

Jett’s voice on my back lacks the edge in which she normally speaks. “Lady Liv, can we get you anything?”

Elivienne stares back at me and I wish her to speak through me, but she remains full of secrets of her own.

“May we help you with anything at all?” Isadora asks.

“Blood,” I say, my voice weak. “A good amount of it, I think.”

“Is that all?”

“A carriage and some parchment, as well.”

Chapter 31

Action made in haste is to blame. Though He gave speed and agility to His creations, there is a balance to be owed in this immortality.

The sun twinkles on the snow across Demis’s grounds. Two brown birds fly around each other as they dart towards the treeline. Cracking the window open, I take a cleansing breath of fresh winter air in.

Isadora orders the footmen to place my trunks in the follow-on carriage so I can travel in comfort. I’m not bringing either of my ladies. I imagine they can be divided into various other stations at the castle. Where I am headed, life is not going to be as extravagant and I want to make sure they’re taken care of.

This isn’t the ideal option, and not one I truly considered until yesterday morning, but I need to get out. Sawyer is willing to accept me and based on Cedric’s offer, I can leave at any time and choose my own path forward.

The repercussions, well, we will deal with them when they come.

I had Jett send the note to Sawyer.

I am not stupid in believing my life will be easy and happy in Krue until I can safely leave. Maybe he will come with this time, should he desire to. Sawyer has an incredible amount of faults, chiefly breaking boundaries. But I believe most of what he did was not malicious but from a place of deep grief. There is also the innermost part of me that clings to who he was in my dream state.

So why am I having second thoughts?

“Isa, Jett, you’ve done enough, thank you,” I say as the last footman leaves my chambers. Isadora turns around, clasping her hands as if something else is to be done. My bed has been stripped of linen, the vanity cleared save for the brush and mirror originally here. The room was never incredibly lively, but now it looks bare like bones.

The ladies in front of me look more refined now. When they first started working with me, both had just transitioned from a wealthy family in the countryside to waiting on the soon-to-be queen of Lux. Isadora’s posture and gait only hints at a woman of high profile. Jett has a confidence about her that surely will make her a fireball in her next station.

I stride forward, placing a velvet pouch in her palms. “What is this?” Isadora balks, looking down at it. “My lady, this is too kind. I do not need your funding as I have saved pin money to take me to my new place of employment.” Jett, too, shakes her head when I turn to give her a pouch.

So, one of them has found a new place. My heart warms. “Please, accept this as payment for your emotional services.” Jett and Isadora lift an eyebrow at that. “Your companionship since my arrival has been a lifeline of support. You are wonderfully talented and I know your next home will cherish you as I do. Thank you, my friends.”

Isadora pulls me in for a hug and I squeeze her back, relishing in the beauty of platonic friendship. Though she was my lady-in-waiting, she has also been a friend and for that, I am thankful. Jett wraps her arms around us at last and I hear her sniffles.

We three pull apart and laugh through the tears. “Well, off with you.” Isadora smiles. I smile back at her casual tone.

“Write, if you can.” Jett smiles and steps back. Both of them curtsy on my way out.

As I make my way through the halls, I take in the beauty of Demis one last time. The centuries of history that created this magnificent place hold a sense of pride in my heart. To have been a part of the history, even briefly, is something I don’t take lightly. Though my time with Sawyer will still serve the better of the realm, I will miss being here at the center of it all. The musicians, the artwork, the community.

I pass by a hidden alcove, one of many in the castle. I smile at the portraits of the royal family, especially the large one as you reach the top of the stairs. Cedric and Sawyer are seated in front of their parents. They look like young adults here, but with portraits it’s hard to say. My favorite part about this particular piece is the jovial energy conveyed in their smiles. They all look happy to be there, which is not always felt in other royal settings.

In many ways, I mourn the family that could have been. Had I never been injured, Cedric and I would have married and ascended the throne in due time. I don’t even remember the previous king and queen.

I wish I could remember my parents too. That grief does not match any other: to know I had real parents in this world who loved me and fought to protect me. This is no subtle ache, but a deep pain. But now is not the time for phantom reminiscing, now is the time for safety and security.

My feet stop at the top of the stairs because waiting at the bottom is Cedric. The last footman exits, carrying my things with him. The light shining in illuminates the room and the ceiling of stars with it. At least I get to see this one last time.

As much as I want to move, to say something, I can’t. This moment freezes me in place and I know what I will be walking into. There’s no avoiding this.