Page 116 of Of Shadows and Blood

This visit is double charged, I’m afraid. I come bearing news.

I turn to Isadora, who is already curtsying her way out of my chambers, the door slowly latching behind her. Cedric motions to the bed but I take a seat on the trunk before it. The mix of nerves and excitement within him also transmits down the bond.

“I thought the threat subsided, that Duresden was merely testing the waters. That is the only reason you would be here right now and not at the camp,” I begin.

Cedric brushes his overgrown hair back – it nearly reaches his shoulders now – and leans against the dark grey wall. “I could only get away this morning. The outpost needs more bodies and the lower generals of the western region of Frike are not pulling their weight. It should not be more than a day.” He looks at me seriously and I sense – no, I know – that something is amiss. The bond is not needed for that.

“Oh, then that seems to be well in order.” I take a deep inhale. “I thought perhaps—”

“A visiting cess will be here in the morning.”

“When you return,” I say.

“Yes, when I return.”

My hands feel clammy because he won’t look at me now and I am struggling to stay seated.

What is going on?

The fall of dust could be heard if I truly focused on it. Even the air in his lungs makes more noise than he does. His features are frozen, cold, pained. There is no indication he was injured.

And if he was injured, I would be able to sense it.

Time feels like honey; the grey particles floating around the room slowing their descent.

“You…” My mouth feels sticky. “You found the counterspell for my curse.” Each word is a trial. There is no other explanation for this behavior and even with that, his reaction is off-putting.

It’s scaring me.

Cedric rubs his brows, still avoiding me. “They do not have the curse, but they have an idea of it coming from the Silent Sect in the Rhydians. They want to try to prod it, to see what progress it produces. They sent word last night.”

“And you waited until now to tell me,” I whisper.

“I sat with the missive all night. I could not rest, could not do anything knowing that we had some progress.”

I straighten. “But I have made progress without the use of magic.”

He looks at me finally. “Yes, but it has been nine, almost ten months, Liv. The theory is that we could, perhaps, try to use magic to see what it will give us in return. Are you not curious to see what they could try? They wrote that it would not be invasive, that it would merely be a test. Think of your first few days here when they tempted your mind.”

“And I hated every moment of that! Every godsdamn moment someone went into my mind, prodded and scoped me, it was awful. And that was light compared to what you are referring to. I hardly believe Avonde would want to do this to me.” Standing now, I am quelling the shake of fear, of anger in my bones. “You cannot be serious.”

“No one wants to do this, Liv.” Cedric tightens his lips and asks, “Do you think I am forcing you to do this?”

The question catches me off guard and I feel my calves lean against the trunk. My body is hot, sticky, and doesn’t feel like mine.

It really isn’t, anyways.

This entire conversation, this concept, it completely negates everything I have come to admire about Cedric, the male in front of me.

“You. Tell. Me.”

“No, you know how I feel about your autonomy. It also cannot be good for you to be locked away like this.”

“I am right here! And I don’t want to do this. End of discussion.” I clap and turn away, tears now rushing the tight barricade of confidence I have worked so hard to build. “I can’t believe you would even offer something like this,” I sob.

Cedric comes near, his being omnipresent. He does not touch me and I would not wish him to. “This is not about forcing you to become Elivienne. This is about seeing if there is a hole that can be looked into. Curses, like all spells, have faults. They just wanted to see what this one’s was.”

My tears sting and I step away from him, anything to get some distance.