Page 7 of The Intimacy of Control

“Um, he’s comfortable, at least. He’s never been the type to flaunt his money or anything, so I’m not sure about a lot, per se.”

“That’s awesome. Mamá always wanted me to do something with cooking. That’s more her thing, though. She owns a food truck downtown.”

I cut into the last bit of the egg, looking up at him. He was probably the most beautiful—and youngest—man I’d ever slept with. Even this early in the morning, he looked gorgeous, despite his messed-up hair. “What does she make there?”

“Authentic Mexican food. She’s from Puebla, so most of her menu is stuff she grew up on from there. She absolutely loves it, and I love stealing food from her when I stop by.” He smiled wide, showing off his gorgeous teeth. “I’d say she’s got the best Mexican food on the block, but she came to America before I was born, so she’s really my only reference with it.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I’m somehow surrounded by people who can cook. I promise I could burn anything you put in front of me. I’m not sure how this happened.”

He raised an eyebrow, winking at me. “Maybe I could teach you a few things next time.”

Next time. He was hoping for a next time. I cleared my throat, standing with my plate. I was never sure about the best way to let someone down gently, and it usually ended up that I didn’t. “Yeah, about that.” I shook my head and put the plate in the sink. “I don’t really do next times. If you get what I mean.”

“Oh.” His tone shifted entirely. “Yeah, no, I get that. Just a one-night stand type thing.”

Turning to face him, I tried my hand at a sympathetic expression. No matter how hot he was, or how easily I’d slept, or how good he’d made me feel… I didn’t need to start something I couldn’t handle.

No matter how desperately I needed control, I couldn’t control another person. A relationship, even friends with benefits, involved far too many uncertainties. Forrest hadn’t seen that side of me yet, and I didn’t want him to. “Thanks for understanding. I need to get to my friend’s house anyway. I told him I’d meet with him today. You don’t happen to have a shirt I could borrow, do you?”

He nodded slowly, awkwardly shuffling away from the table. “For sure. I’ll go grab something, and I’ll stop by Driftwood for it later, if that’s alright.”

“That sounds good. I’ll be working tonight if you want to swing by.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay, I’ll do that. Let me…” He trailed off, pointing a thumb behind him.

This was the worst part. The awkwardness. The stilted goodbye to a connection that didn’t exist outside of the few hours we’d spent together. I couldn’t control his emotions. Not that I even wanted to, but they were unpredictable.

I hated unpredictable. Like water and currents in the ocean that could go from mild to strong in three seconds flat. If I couldn’t predict it—if I couldn’t prepare—I’d be swept away. I’d sink. I’d drown again and again and again.

The nightmare followed me wherever I went, showing up at the worst possible times. And the worst part? It was hardly a nightmare. It was a memory playing on a loop because it had tried to kill me before, and I could’ve sworn it kept trying to again. I might’ve been safe while asleep in Forrest’s bed, but I’d never be safe when my eyes were open, when my mind could take over.

I’d never be safe.

Tobi opened the door, moving back to let me in. “Hey, Jack. It’s been a minute.”

“It sure has. You look good, though. Seems our talk put some sense into you?” He was smiling, and he didn’t look as weary. He’d shaved his beard, too. He looked sober. I was proud of him, honestly.

I’d accidentally given him quite the tough love conversation the last time we’d seen each other. He and Callum had been going back and forth while Tobi drank himself away. After trying to help Callum through it all and offering Tobi a place to stay in the bar, I’d lost it a little. I wasn’t as patient as my best friend, so I told Tobi he needed to go find Callum instead of letting Callum keep finding him. I could’ve said it nicer, in hindsight, but he seemed to take it well.

Well enough to detox at the hospital and come back to Callum when he needed him most.

“Yeah, I guess it did. Come on.”

I found my way to the chair beside the couch, returning the smile Callum was giving me. He looked happy, too. Even sounded happier. “Look what the cat dragged in. You’ve been harder to get a hold of lately.”

Despite the slight pang of guilt in my gut, I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Eh, I’ve just been busy. You know how it is. How’s everything been?”

“Good.” Callum nodded, shifting a bit. “Uh, we were just talking about how I need to clean Papa’s house, and then I’ll be set to sell it, and that’ll be the last of his assets to deal with.”

God, that was the worst part. I crossed my legs and tilted my head, frowning as the memory hit me of all the chaos after Grandma passed. “I’m sorry, Cal. I went through the same thing with my grandma. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’ll come help you out with the cleaning part, too.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

They both looked totally relaxed, sitting together on the couch as if they hadn’t been apart for a decade. I loved seeing my friends in love. “You two look like you’re getting along well. Is there a lack of trouble in paradise?”

Callum turned to Tobi, his grin bigger than ever. “We’re doing really good. Tobes is close to a month sober, now.”

“That’s fucking awesome, man! Congratulations. I’m really happy for you guys.” Fishy, Callum’s dog, leaped off Tobi’s lap and started circling the space in front of me. His long, tiny, oddly shaped body could hardly handle the excitement in him. His black tail swayed from side to side, the white tip sticking straight up. “Oh, hi Fishy. You finally decided to say hello?”