Page 68 of The Intimacy of Control

I stared at his silhouette from behind the sliding glass door, watching the smoke leave his mouth and go into the air around him. I realized I wanted to be there. I wanted to mix with the smoke, breathe him in, and take all his worries away.

I thought I’d lost him for good.

But no. We were just starting.

I slid the glass door open, stepping outside into the warm night air, closing it behind me. The stars were barely visible in the sky from all the city lights shining everywhere. Jack was glowing, though. Like some sort of beautiful angel sent straight from heaven to show me that hope still existed. Hope was human. Hope was worth it.

He pushed his cigarette into the ashtray balancing on the railing, turning around to face me. “Hey, you’re going to smell like smoke.”

I stepped forward, crowding him.

“Forrest, seriously. I already smell like it—I don’t want to cover you in it, too.”

I kept going until his back was against the railing and he was looking up at me. “Then I guess I’ll smell like you.”

I loved watching how his eyes flicked between mine. They were full of wonder and awe, staring straight into the soul inside of me that wasn’t even mine. It was his. It’d been his since the start, just like Mamá had said. “Forrest…”

Cupping his cheek, I leaned down until our noses touched. He smelled like cigarette smoke, cologne, and something fruitier. Fresher. Was that what love smelled like? “Why do you like it when I take your breath away? I’d think it’d be difficult with your past.”

“Not with you.” His eyes fell closed as he leaned into my palm. “When your hand is around my throat, or when you have your palm over my nostrils and mouth, it feels like freedom. Like… Like magic.” He whispered the word, shaking his head. “I trust you, Forrest. I couldn’t trust the water. I couldn’t control the water. But I trust you, and I know you’d only take what I can handle.”

My heart stuttered in my chest. “Magic,” I repeated. “That’s what magic feels like for you?”

“Just being with you feels like a little piece of magic.”

His eyes opened, and I got lost in them. How beautiful they were. Being around him was like magic for me, too—like I’d told him in Pride and Pages the first time he’d come in. There was no other way to explain it all. It was magical. Inexplicable.

I brought our lips together, wrapping my other arm around his back. I held onto him tightly so he wouldn’t fall over the balcony railing. Jack reminded me of what life was supposed to feel like. He reminded me of what living was meant to stand for.

Every human soul had a purpose. My papá’s was to help Mamá raise us until we didn’t need him anymore. River’s is to annoy the fuck out of me until the end of time. Jack’s grandma’s was to love him as a whole, no matter what achievements he did or didn’t make. Mine? My purpose was to find Jack. Love him. Care for him. Kiss him.

I believed that because it felt undeniably true. Every second and every moment was something new and something worthy.

I pulled away, grabbing Jack by the shoulders before forcing him to turn around. His stomach pressed into the railing as I plastered myself over his back, whispering close to his ear. “I love you, Jackson Manning.”

He whimpered softly. “I love you, too. So much.”

“Are you going to be a good boy for me?”

“Always.”

“That’s what I thought. Stay still.” I slid my hands around to his front, undoing his pants the moment I reached his button and zipper.

Slowly, I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his jeans and underwear, pulling them down enough to let his cock and ass out into the open. I could feel his breathing stutter against me as I pressed my clothed erection against him.

“Put your hands on the railing, bend, and push your ass out.”

He did as I said, arching his back so beautifully for me. Holding his ass cheeks in my palms, I spread them, looking down at his gorgeous hole. I wanted nothing more than to wreck it. Feel him writhe and whine beneath me. I wanted to be inside him. Take him apart from the inside out.

“Wait here. I’m going to get lube and a condom, and I’m going to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you.”

I moved away to go inside, but he stopped me. “Wait. Um, don’t get a condom.”

I froze, turning back toward him. He was such a sight to see, bent over and half naked like that. Fuck. “Are you… Do you want me to come inside of you?”

“Please. Please, Forrest, I want you to mark me.”

My eyes rolled to the back of my head, groaning just from imagining it. Fuck. I absolutely wanted to mark him. I wanted to make him mine. Mark his skin, mark his insides, and mark him as mine for the rest of eternity.