Page 56 of The Intimacy of Control

I loosened my hold, shifting us around until I could simply pull him against my chest. “I didn’t hear you come in. What happened, Tobi? Hm?”

“I-I was comin’ to drop the cake off for you. C-Cal couldn’t come. I don’t know, Jack. I saw ‘im. I saw ‘im on you just like they were on me. When I was a kid. I saw ‘im, and I got so scared, Jack. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” I rocked us gently from side to side. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m okay.”

“No! No, I done hurt your man. I done hurt him. I’m so sorry.”

Forrest inched closer, wincing a little. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I understand that you were trying to protect your friend Tobi.”

“See? Forrest is okay.” I pressed my face into Tobi’s hair. “I’m sorry you walked in on that, Tobi. We’re rough with each other. That’s how we are. We consent to it, we’re safe about it, we have safe words… That wasn’t supposed to be something you saw.”

His shoulders were shaking so much. Each cry sounded like it hurt more than the last. I’d just gotten to the point where I could ask Forrest on a date. I’d decided to face the deep, inescapable fear deep in my heart. I’d let go.

And now one of my friends—the love of Callum’s life—was in my arms, sobbing.

Was this punishment?

Was this my fault?

I’d lost control that day in the ocean. I’d lost control when Grandma died. Every time I lost control or gave it up, something bad happened. If it were only me, I could’ve handled it.

But Tobi? Sweet, tortured Tobi? He’d already gone through so much. So fucking much. He was finally sober and in therapy and living the life he was always meant to live, yet here I was, forcing him into a breakdown. I’d given up control.

I looked at Forrest. “How badly are you hurt?”

“Uh, not bad. I’m just bleeding some.”

“Do you need a hospital?”

“No. No, I should be fine.”

“Okay. Do me a favor. My phone is on the second shelf by you. The code is nineteen ninety-five. Call Cal, put it on speaker, and set it beside me. I’m going to try to calm him down.”

He nodded, slowly standing up. “I should probably go home, huh?”

My heart skipped a beat. Or maybe it sped up. Or maybe I was drowning again, and I was going to wake up with a tube in my throat, unable to speak or breathe on my own. It felt too similar in my mind and body, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep my shit together.

I was losing control, and Forrest couldn’t fix it. “Yeah, Forrest. You probably should.”

He picked up my phone, made the call, set it down beside me, and waited for a second. My phone was still ringing. Tobi was still sobbing. There was glass on the floor. Alcohol, too. Tobi and I were sitting in it. Soaking in it. He glanced between both of us. “Please call me tomorrow.”

“I will.”

“Thank you, Jack.”

The way he’d said it was so different. It sounded final, like he knew this was it. That we weren’t going to make it to that date. I didn’t say anything in response as he turned around and started to walk away.

“Hey, Jack,” Cal answered sleepily. Once he heard Tobi, though, he sounded far more alert. “What happened? Is he okay?”

“Long story. You need to come to Driftwood. Please.”

“Already on my way. Sing to him. The sunshine song.”

“The sunshine song?”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine… You get the gist.”

“Got it. Thanks.”