Page 40 of The Intimacy of Control

Or maybe that was the after-sex glow talking. Probably the latter.

Forrest set the washcloth down on the bedside table next to him and rolled back over to me. His hand smoothed over my stomach, rubbing along the hair there. Most of it was still dark, with the slightest mix of gray thrown in there, unlike the hair on my head.

I sighed in contentment as Forrest caressed the hair along my temples, glancing over my face. I gave him a small smile. “It’s time to dye my hair again, isn’t it? Bet you’re looking at all the gray.”

“Hmm. I love it, honestly. Why would you dye it?”

“‘Cause I don’t. Reminds me that I’m old.”

He pressed a gentle kiss against my forehead. “You’re not old, sweetheart.”

Rolling my eyes, I slid my palm up his arm and around his bicep. I traced the tattoos along there with my gaze, licking across my lower lip as the urge to lick them crossed my mind. “I turn forty soon, you know. I can’t keep up like I used to be able to. I’ll slow you down, eventually.”

“Shut up. Your age isn’t a factor to me.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just weird if I think about it too hard. I’ve lived an entire life more than you.” I closed my eyes as he rubbed the space between them. “I mean, I’ve had hobbies and dreams and careers and relationships in a past life that was the beginning of yours.”

The scratch of his beard tickled me as he leaned his head on my chest. I looked down at him. He’d wrapped his arm across my stomach, nuzzling into my skin as he got comfortable. “Tell me about it, then.”

“About what, exactly?”

“Everything. Tell me who you are. I want to know.”

I paused for a second, almost hesitant to answer. “In a friend way?”

“Sure. In a friend way.”

It didn’t feel like a friend way. It felt like an intimate way. He’d taken me to a place in my head I hadn’t truly known existed while his head was on my chest after cleaning our cum off my skin, and here we were. Cuddling in his bed. Talking about who I am.

But that begged a question. Was it intimate, or did I just want it to be? A question I wasn’t going to answer for now.

I sighed and happily tangled my fingers in his thick, wavy hair. Where did I even start? How was I supposed to tell someone I’d wanted to be a stranger about my life in a way I hadn’t planned to?

Who was I?

A question I’d never actually asked myself, nor had I been asked by someone else. I’d been asked where I was from. I’d been asked what my hobbies were. I’d been asked questions, and I’d given the answers to them. Something that open-ended, though?

“Well, you know I’m from California. I actually went to an all-boys private school growing up. My parents thought that would keep me from acting up too much or getting into trouble with girls.” I huffed a laugh. “They had no idea what they were getting into.”

“Did you get into trouble with girls, then?”

“Oh, yeah. We had our ways. There was an all-girls school not too far from us, and we’d meet at this park near campus after school. I had a secret girlfriend for a little while. When they found out, they were fucking pissed. I was grounded for a month.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Well, imagine their surprise when they found out I was bisexual and had a secret boyfriend a year or so later. I was grounded again. Couldn’t go anywhere but home and swim practice.”

Forrest tilted his head and rubbed his palm up and down my arm. “Swim practice?”

I froze. Had I really said that? Not even Callum knew I used to swim. I’d kept it such a secret after moving. Nobody knew.

Clearing my throat, I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I was on the swim team.”

“Wow. Did you like it?”

Tilting my head back, I looked at his ceiling. There were small swirls of design in the paint all across the room. Did I like swimming? Did I miss it? Did I wish I could go back in time and change everything? “Yes.” It was an answer for him and for myself. “I loved it. I did competitions outside of the school, too. I was training to go pro. My dream was to be in the Olympics one day.”

“Did you do it for a long time?”