Page 10 of Easy

Chapter9

THREE DAYS LATER

Lying in my bed,I stare at the inky sky filled with wide brush strokes of glittering stars. Out of everything I ever wanted to own, to touch—that’s it. The majestic splendor of it leaves me in awe every time I climb up here. There’s nothing that compares to the way lying here in solitude makes mefeel.

Well, that’s not entirely true. That night began with a little ember of a thought that blossomed into a flame that flickers brightest in the dead of night when I’m alone. What if I had someone to share this with? What if Chase had followed me up here? ‘What if’ followed by ‘whatif.’

What if I wasn’t a Ferro.

What if that night had never happened?

What if there were a way to move forward without scattering my ashes to thewind?

Too many questions and not enough answers. I did this to myself. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I’ve been played in the past, but not this time. It was solely my fault, my responsibility. Lizzie is buying me time so I can figure out what happened, because there are still parts I’m missing, things I don’t know. That night doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t have ended in a pool of blood, but itdid.

I swallow hard and roll over. I’ve not left the house for three days. I called in sick to work so I wouldn’t get fired, but that also means no internet. There’s no way to know if my stalker is going to out me. So I remain hidden, biding time until I can figure out how to approach thismess.

Lifting my gaze, I peer through the glass once more, wishing I could escape all this and have the freedom I’ve always longed for. To not be a puppet or a pawn or a killer. One could only wish now. It’s too late. And I’m selfish for not running Chase off. Okay, I tried to get rid of him, but he keeps coming around. I should have pulled out a shotgun and threatened him to get off my land. That would have been a clear message.

Instead, I tell him not to come, but he does and he brings breakfast every morning and dinner every night. He says it’s only this once, that I shouldn’t get used to it, but another day passes and the same scenario repeats. I look forward to that part of the day the most, and consider what it would be like if he came a little earlier or left a little later. Or if we were tangled together? Or if I used him the way I used so many other men and tossed them aside? I’m not the slut my parents believe me to be, but at some point sex detached from love, and I began to doubt that there was such a thing.

Chase nailed me on that point. I don’t believe two people can fall in love, not anymore. It’s another myth, a fairytale for idealists who haven’t yet lived life. They don’t know how dark it can get, because if they did, they would see the folly in falling for anyone. Love is the fastest way to bring about heartache and demise. The premise is a trick, a trap for the weak and foolish. I cannot afford to be a fool. Never again will I have such a luxury.