Page 189 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

Just lighter.

Like my body finally stopped bracing for impact.

Then the next day came, and I realized I had gone almost an hour without thinking about him.

The next day after that, I caught myself laughing alone at a TikTok comment without forcing it.

Then one morning, I opened my eyes and realized the grief was no longer the first thing greeting me.

And honestly? That scared me a little.

Because after what happened last year, I genuinely thought losing Victor again would destroy me the same way.

I thought I would disappear again. Shut down again. Lose months of my life again.

But somehow… I didn’t.

Sure, I still missed him sometimes. I still caught myself reaching for my phone wanting to tell him things or still wondered what he was doing at random hours of the day, but the pain no longer felt endless.

And maybe the reason shocked me most of all is that this time, there was no confusion left.

Because somewhere between losing Victor twice and surviving it twice, I had finally learned that the exes who came back into my life had left me with more than just memories.

They left me with lessons.

Lessons I didn’t fully understand at the time, but ones that finally made sense now.

Loving Victor felt beautiful, yes. But it also felt like constantly standing near the edge of something unstable, hoping it wouldn’t collapse that day.

I already did everything I could.

And in the end, it didn’t work out.

Strangely, that truth gave me peace.

When you’ve truly exhausted every possible version of you trying, your heart eventually runs out of alternate endings to fantasize about.

There was nothing left to decode anymore.

Victor loved me.

I believed that completely.

But he loved me in a way that still wounded me. And I finally understood that love alone could not outweigh the damage he continuously caused me.

Sometimes, a person can love you and still fail to hold your heart properly.

That realization hurt less than uncertainty.

Besides, I had survived heartbreak before. Worse, even.

I had gotten over people who had lived inside my system far longer than Victor ever did. So why did I once believe Victor would be the exception?

Maybe because I had mistaken intensity for destiny.

Maybe because situationships create the perfect environment for obsession: no stability, no certainty, just enough affection to keep hope alive and just enough distance to make you chase it harder.

But now that the fantasy finally collapsed completely, I could see it clearly.