Page 178 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

I looked at him anyway, my eyes tracing the familiar shape of him like it was the last time—like my heart still believed memorizing him hard enough could stop me from losing him again.

And maybe that was the cruelest part.

I still loved him.

Even now.

Even after the punishment of silence.

The abandonment.

The months of pain that nearly swallowed me whole.

And then suddenly, memories began crashing into me all at once.

The drag bar.

The longing stares.

The fireworks at TOPS.

The random ‘I love you’ texts.

The late nights tangled together in bed.

The laughter until we couldn’t breathe.

The times where his arms wrapped around me absentmindedly, like loving me had once been the easiest thing in the world.

My mind clung to those memories, trying to negotiate with reality.

But underneath all of it now—beneath the longing, the grief, the unbearable love—something stronger finally stood its ground.

My non-negotiable: myself.

The realization settled heavy into my chest. Because loving someone was one thing but surviving them was another.

“You almost destroyed my life,” I said quietly.

Victor turned immediately.

“What?”

My throat tightened, but this time, I didn’t back down.

“You almost destroyed my life,” I repeated, tears already burning behind my eyes. “You did.”

Victor stared at me, stunned.

And suddenly, once the words started, I couldn’t stop them anymore.

“I lost myself after you,” I said, my voice trembling. “I lost my job. Lost my peace. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I disappeared from my friends. I left the city because every corner of it reminded me of you.”

Tears slipped down my face now.

“I spent months blaming myself for that one moment of bravery, while you stood there making me feel like it was unforgivable just because I finally fought back.”

Victor’s expression cracked slightly at that.