Page 170 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

July 2025

By then, sadness felt sharper. Noticeable. It demanded attention. It felt heavier, like living underwater.

Depression.

Everything took effort.

Getting out of bed. Showering. Eating. Existing. And the worst part was that my mind never stayed in one place long enough to rest.

One moment, I found myself missing Victor. I would remember the way he looked at me when he was soft, the way his hand rested on my waist absentmindedly, the way his voice lowered when it was just us. And suddenly I wanted him back so badly I could barely breathe.

Then anger followed right after it, because how could someone claim to love you and still leave you drowning like that?

How could someone you knew you loved so deeply choose silence as punishment?

But even then—even while anger burned through me—I still blamed myself more.

Because underneath everything else sat the same unbearable thought: I fucked it up.

Sometimes, it isn’t the memories that kills you, it’s the poison of what ifs that slowly drags you underwater—like an undertow you can’t escape.

What if I stayed calm?

What if I had waited?

What if I had been softer?

What if I had just let that night pass?

And then there was the fear.

God, the fear.

Heartbreak was one thing. But heartbreak while watching your savings slowly disappear? That was a different kind of terror entirely.

Every week, my bank account got smaller. The numbers kept moving while my life stayed still.

I stopped eating out completely. Stopped ordering. Stopped buying skincare, clothes, random things that once made life feel lighter.

Luxury became anything beyond survival.

Some nights, I sat on the edge of my bed calculating how many more months I could keep myself alive in the city before everything collapsed completely.

And that was when another truth started settling in—one far uglier than heartbreak: I had no idea who I was outside the life I built around surviving.

So I stared applying for jobs as marketing assistant, office staff, admin associate, social media roles, HR assistant… anything.

Fifty applications. Most of them never replied.

The few that did asked questions that made me realize how unprepared I actually was:

“What software are you proficient in?”

“Do you have an experience in project management?”

“What technical skills can you offer?”

Technical skills.