Page 168 of A Solid Guide to Surviving a Situationship

Victor didn’t stop me… didn’t reach for me.

So this time, I walked away with what dignity that was left in me.

After that night, something inside me shut down.

It felt as though all the lights in a building went out at once.

At first, I told myself I was just exhausted. That anyone could get over something like that quickly. But the days that followed felt less like recovery and more like disappearance.

The sadness stayed.

So did the longing.

The bitterness.

The anger.

And worst of all, the regret.

They all lived inside me at once, fighting for space beneath my ribs until I could barely hear my own thoughts anymore.

And the strangest part was how invisible heartbreak could look from the outside, because the world kept moving.

People still posted brunch photos. Traffic still clogged the streets. My coworkers still laughed during shifts. The city still lit up at night like nothing inside me had collapsed.

Meanwhile, I was barely holding myself together.

So, I stopped replying to people properly.

At first, my friends noticed.

Andi would send messages like, ‘Hey, gay. You still alive?’

Honey would send fashion TikToks and voice notes full of gossip.

Andre asked if I wanted to grab drinks because he needed some of my “gay therapy.”

Mel checked in quietly, like she always did.

I answered all of them the same way.

I’m busy.

Work’s been crazy!

I’m okay.

Lies.

Because how was I supposed to admit that I was falling apart over someone I technically never had?

A situationship.

Even the word sounded small compared to the grief sitting inside me.

So I kept it to myself.

Besides, my friends never really knew Victor.