Page 56 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

Fern’s sudden shrewd look threw her off guard when she noticed it.

‘I’m all right,’ she said in answer to the question she thought might be coming. ‘People don’t have to keep worrying about me every time I coo over a baby. I love babies and children, but I’m fine with not having any.’

‘Don’t you think you’ll ever have one? I know you had a miscarriage, but don’t you want to try again?’

Zoe shook her head. ‘Not at the moment. To be honest, I’m afraid my time might be up.’ Zoe took a breath and decided, since Fern was being so open with her, it was time to repay the courtesy. ‘I’ve been diagnosed with some fertility issues… actually, quite big ones. I don’t think I’ll be able to have one now.’

‘Oh my God, Zoe! That’s so sad!’

‘It’s OK. It’s also partly my choice… sort of. I made the decision I didn’t want to go through endless fertility treatments. I want to get on with my life now as it is. I’m happy, I have Alex and Billie and Louisa and a job I love, and that’s all I need.’ Zoe was thoughtful for a moment, almost as a distraction from the pity in Fern’s expression. She didn’t want the pity. She hated to see it. ‘I wish Billie would find something she wants to do, like you have.’

Without hesitation, Fern understood. She didn’t pursue Zoe’s admission and instead turned her attention to the new topic. ‘What’s she into?’

‘That’s just it – I have no clue, not really. I know what she enjoys from day to day, hobbies and such, but I have no clue what her ambitions are, what sort of vocation she feels a pull to. I think she’s been so focused on Louisa – we all have – that she’s never really talked about it, not to me at any rate. I have a suspicion that, if she’d had a choice, or if she’d been more conscious that she did have a choice back when her dad was planning the move to Hilltop, she’d have told him she didn’t want to live there.’

Fern’s eyes widened. ‘Seriously? But it’s gorgeous! I’d kill to live somewhere like that!’

‘Billie had a very different set of choices to what you’ve had. Perhaps if you’d had those, you would have decided you didn’t want to live in the Lakes.’

‘No way.’

‘You can’t deny it’s quiet and there isn’t a lot of opportunity for people your age.’

‘There’s loads if you’re not picky – you just have to go out and find it. Me and Maisie are doing all right; we’re happy.’

Zoe didn’t draw attention to the fact that Fern’s assertion said more than perhaps she’d intended about her views on Billie. ‘And that’s great, but, again, Billie’s experiences are very different to yours. You know her boyfriend – Louisa’s dad – was killed before she’d even found out she was pregnant?’

‘Yeah, Maisie told me about that. She said Billie was way worse when she first moved here than she is now.’

‘She’s definitely brighter these days.’

‘So you don’t think she’d want to train as a midwife? We could do the classes together. It might be nice.’

‘I’d love to think that she might, but I doubt it. I’ve probably put her off, going on about work all the time,’ Zoe added with a light laugh.

Fern folded a slice of pizza into her mouth and began to chew thoughtfully. ‘She never wants to come out with us. Maisie’s asked her loads of times. I get it, there’s not much to do, but we could get on a bus and go into town and go to a bar or whatever. I know you’d babysit… I mean…’ Fern blushed. ‘I didn’t mean you’d babysit for all of us, only Billie…’

‘Babysitting for all three of you… I can’t decide if that’s my idea of heaven or hell! I’d have to let you know after the event!’

‘Anyway, Billie always says she’ll think about it, or maybe, or just no. I sometimes think she doesn’t like me much because I took Maisie away from her, but I didn’t mean to. It was just the house came up, and Maisie needed somewhere to live, and I wanted to share with someone…’

‘I know, and Billie knows that too. I don’t think she’s got a problem with you. I wonder if she’s got a problem with her life here in general.’ Zoe reached for her water, wondering if she’d said too much. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘let me find Mags’s email address for you…’

Louisa was in her playpen, joyfully smashing various toys into the ground while Alex and Billie were putting baubles on the tree.

‘We didn’t think you’d mind if we made a start,’ Alex said. ‘If we don’t get this lot up now, it’s going to be Christmas Eve and then time to take them all down again.’

‘I don’t mind at all.’ Zoe smoothed the coat hanging over her arm. ‘I’m going to get changed anyway. My clothes smell a bit.’

‘What do they smell of?’ Billie asked with a frown.

‘Oh, you know, the restaurant. Some fabrics just trap it, don’t they?’

‘You had a nice time with Fern?’ Billie asked.

Zoe looked to see her concentrating very deliberately on the placing of a glass snowflake. Perhaps she didn’t want to give whatever she was thinking away.

‘I did. We got a lot done.’