Page 46 of A Christmas Wish for the Village Midwife

‘You’re right – that’s the only thing that matters. And it’s got to be a good thing if she thinks she can have anyone she likes to come and stay whenever she likes – makes Hilltop feel properly like her home as well as ours, doesn’t it? So if we welcome them in and let her know they’re welcome whenever, and her old mates too…’

Zoe kissed him. ‘You’re a great dad, you know, even if you doubt it yourself. You love her, and you want the best for her, and nobody can argue with that.’

8

Zoe closed her office door and headed to the surgery kitchen for lunch. On her way through reception, she saw Lavender talking to Fern, who was rocking Benji in a pram.

‘Hello!’ Zoe said as she went over. ‘Everything all right? You’ve come to see the doctor?’

‘I’ve come to see you,’ Fern said, and Zoe frowned.

‘But we don’t have⁠—’

‘There’s nothing wrong,’ Fern added quickly. ‘I know you have your lunch now, but I was hoping to talk to you. I wouldn’t take long.’

‘Sounds like it’s important,’ Zoe replied, glancing to her side to note that Lavender was listening with a little too much interest. ‘You want to come to my office?’

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Lavender said, clearly realising she’d been rumbled. ‘I was about to bring Fern through to you when you came out anyway.’

‘Thanks, Lavender,’ Zoe said. She beckoned Fern to follow her.

‘You’re out later on home visits, aren’t you?’ Lavender called after her.

‘Yes.’

‘Leave your room unlocked. I’m going to put the Christmas decs up while you’re missing!’

Zoe held a brief hand up to show she’d understood, and let Fern follow her in and then shut the door. ‘I’m all yours. What did you want to talk to me about?’

‘I’ve been thinking loads about our conversation at the house when Billie came over with you, and I really want to become a midwife. I know it’s going to be hard, and I’m not sure I’ll be clever enough, and I have Benji to think about, but I sort of want to do it for him too. I want a good job, so I can give him all the things he needs, and I want him to be proud of me.’

Zoe’s face lit in a broad smile. ‘It’s amazing that you’re so keen! We can never have too many midwives! You’re right, there’s a lot to take into account. The training is hard and long, and you’ll be away from Benji more than you’d like – there’s no getting away from that. What will you do for childcare? – that’s the first thing to consider. You’ve missed the student intake for this year, I’m afraid.’

‘I read that online.’

‘You’ll need some basic qualifications to get on the course, and even then, it’s really competitive these days. But if anyone can cope with all that, it’s you.’

‘I read about those too,’ Fern said. ‘I’d have to go to college first to get them, but I looked at one that’s not too far away, and they have a creche so I can go to the classes and leave Benji with them. I read I can get a bursary too because I’m a single mum. I read loads of stuff about it online, but I wanted to talk to you. Do you think I could do it? Do you think I’m clever enough?’

‘Of course you are!’ Zoe perched on the edge of the desk, her face still lit by a broad smile. ‘More than clever enough.’

‘You don’t think I’m silly for wanting to do it then?’

‘Not at all. I can’t say it’s not tough. It’s not always nice either. Most births are lovely occasions; some are terrible when they go badly.’ Zoe’s mind wandered to some of the women she’d often felt she’d failed, even though, in her rational moments, she knew there was little she could have done to alter the course of events. When she’d first started her job in Thimblebury, one of her mums had miscarried, and Zoe had been devasted about it. And there were always ongoing worries, like Rachel, who’d come to her clinic appointment already prematurely in labour. Even now, her baby was still in an incubator, fighting to live. ‘You’ll cry yourself to sleep more than once until you get used to those days. Whether you can cope with that is the bigger question than whether you’re clever enough to train.’

‘I don’t know,’ Fern said. ‘I might get upset sometimes, but I still want to try. I want to help people.’

‘That’ – Zoe’s smile spread – ‘tells me you are taking it seriously. That’s actually the answer I was hoping to hear.’

‘Could I do some visits with you, just to see what it’s like?’

Zoe’s smile slipped. ‘Sorry… I’m pretty sure that, until you’re an official trainee, it’s not allowed. It’s not a rule I’ve had to reference for a long time, so I’ll double-check just in case. In the meantime, there is information online for aspiring midwives – I worked with someone a few years back, and I remember she was putting the website together. There are courses to get you ready to apply for the training, not just academic but some that build your confidence too. I’ll see what I can dig up, if you like. How about we go for lunch sometime next weekend? I’ll bring what I’ve found, and we can chat more.’

‘I’d love that!’ Fern beamed, and the wire-taut angles of her limbs relaxed as she did. ‘Maisie might want to come… is that all right?’

‘Of course. We’re not discussing anything confidential, are we? She knows about your interest.’

‘Oh, yes. She’s excited for me. I thought maybe she’d be interested too, but she likes the work she can do from home, so…’