Page 22 of Santa’s Lawyer

Avery’s head was spinning. “Why on earth does Santa need money? You have magic. You don't want for anything here.”

He went quiet for a moment while typing out a message on his tablet, as if he had forgotten Avery was there.

“You’ve been here what, a couple of days?” he finally asked.

“I’ve lost track, but yes, I think that’s right,” Avery answered.

“Well, I've been here a lot longer than that, kid.”

Avery bristled at his infantilizing language. If this weren’t a job interview, she might have walked out.

“And let me tell you, it doesn’t stay magical forever,” he continued. “You're here long enough, and you really start to see the big picture. You can zoom out over the centuries. The whole operation is rotten. I'm cashing out.”

Blinking hard, Avery tried desperately to process this information. “What do you mean, ‘rotten?’”

“Nobody gets what they deserve,” he insisted. “Do you know they stopped mining coal here? Almost nobody on the naughty list. Santa used to be the decider,” he said, punching his palm with his fist. “He used to mete out justice. That was real power. Children are terrible now. No one’s holding them accountable. It’s just greed and hate and violence. These mortals don't deserve presents. There are no more epiphanies. No more revelations. No Christmas miracles. It’s over. It’s been over.”

“I...” Avery was at a loss for words. She closed her eyes and took a breath. “There are still good people. People trying to be better. That has to count for something.”

“Results count, Amelia,” he said, putting both palms on the table and leaning forward.

Avery sat back like she’d been slapped across the face.

“It’s time for a change, and I'm here to shepherd in that change.”

Avery had to push back. “That…doesn’t feel like it fits the spirit of Christmas,” she said.

“Oh boy, you really bought into your training, didn’t you?” he said, standing up and chuckling. He rubbed his hands together. “Alright, that’s good, actually. I need someone who really believes and can put on a good show. The panel will love that.”

“Panel?” she asked.

“Unfortunately,” he said, rolling his eyes, “this sale requires approval by majority of the Christmas Court.”

“Christmas C—” Avery cut herself off. One thing at a time. “But why would they approve? That’s not what Christmas is all abo—”

“I am Christmas, Amy,” he said, interrupting her. “And you’re my lawyer. And we’re due in court in a few hours. So, here’s the papers.” He tapped his bracelet to hers, and it beeped. She pressed the green gem, and documents appeared before her in the air.

“Review the application, figure out our pitch. It should all still be fresh in your mind from your studies. Meet me in the courtroom in three hours.” He headed toward the door.

Avery didn’t speak, didn’t blink.

He stopped, turned around, and sighed.

“Okay. Yeah. Alice. Listen. I’m sure this is a lot to take in. You got teleported to the North Pole. Shoved in a library by a bunch of weirdos. Forced to go over everything you knew about Christmas, take a test, and now you’re in this ugly room with me, right?”

So, she wasn’t crazy. She let out a nervous laugh. “Right.”

“Let me break it down for you,” he said, sitting back down across from her. He drummed his fingers on the table. “The magnitude of this operation. Do you have any idea what it takes to deliver presents to 8.3 billion customers? In one night?” His words were fast and clipped. “You used to get by on a jolly old elf and a sleigh. And then, things got too big, and for a while, you needed a guy like me who could utilize new tech to keep making the old ways work, despite the explosion in the population.” He re-buttoned his suit jacket.

“But things change and evolve,” he continued. “If we do another year like this on our own, we’re going to do Christmas poorly. We’re going to keep giving presents to people who should be getting coal, rewarding bad behavior. Maybe the whole thing breaks down, and people end up with the wrong gifts. Or we blow a deadline and miss Christmas altogether. We’re going to ignore these risks and reality and keep clinging to these traditions, for the sake of what? Nostalgia? If we keep doing things the way we are, society can’t move forward. Kids won't want to leave and terraform Mars because they’ll be worried about whether Santa can fly a spaceship.” He stood and headed back toward the door.

Avery cocked her head. “Wait. What?”

“The point is, Annalee, this plan is the only way. Don’t think of it as selling Christmas to a private equity firm. Think of it as saving Christmas by partnering with experts to leverage natural synergies, drive efficiency, and ensure the best possible end-user experience. Everyone is counting on you to get this approved by the Christmas Court. Christmas is counting on you to get this right.”

He strode over to her. “They told me you were the best lawyer, the only lawyer for this job. Can you do this? Can you help me save Christmas?”

Avery stood up, huffed a breath, and nodded. “Okay. Okay. I will figure out a way. I’ll get to work. Where is the courtroom?”