Page 53 of Love and Other Disasters

It could be more if he let it happen.

However, that decision would not be his to make. He was not the marrying kind, and she knew that about him. “I think there is much more to discover about someone as lovely as you,” he whispered, continuing to stroke her cheek with his thumb.

Her eyes had grown huge as she looked up at him and she shifted a little closer. “I’m dull and boring.”

“That’s a lie.”

“I’m rule bound.”

“Only when it suits you,” he answered softly. “You know which rules you can risk breaking. You are wise beyond your years.”

“An old hag,” she muttered, lashes fluttering. “Older than you.”

“Old enough not to be silly about certain things. Wise enough to spar with me and survive. A woman without equal. An incomparable in her own right.”

Her breath caught as Jasper moved his hand behind her head, sliding over her extravagantly pinned hair. Sophie had been all frost on the outside, but a thaw had been coming over her slowly as the summer continued. It made his heart glad to know he might have been responsible for making her feel comfortable with him at last.

She sagged a little toward him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyes were luminescent in the early morning light. She was touched by desire, and so was he. The only question was if she would act upon it, or let the fire die of its own accord.

He hoped not. He wanted a chance to show her all the passion she’d asked about on the day Madam Clover had arrived.

Jasper slid his hand from her hair to her upper back, then stroked lightly down her spine and back up again. Just that much contact nearly brought him to his knees. He had not partaken of the pleasures of the orgy because none of those fallen women had made him feel even an inkling of this much yearning. Jasper wanted to do unspeakable things with Sophie, with her body, and be lashed by her tart tongue, too, during the day. He wanted her in the worst way, and she had likely seen it in his eyes all along. Even before he had known it.

That was why she’d never dared encourage him. He was a danger to a woman trying to be proper.

Sophie was the forbidden pleasure. A temptation he’d tried so hard to ignore, too. To be with a proper woman who knew him, his ambitions and restraints, and accepted the way things would be with him had seemed impossible once.

Sophie shifted a little closer and bit her lower lip. When she met his gaze, there was sadness in her eyes. She knew what might happen between them and how it would end. She didn’t want to want him because of that.

Jasper allowed his hand to fall away from her body, disappointed. He was wanted…but wanting him was the last thing she could do.

They would not make love today, or perhaps ever. But he was determined to keep her friendship and her trust no matter what. He took a step back from her. “We should go back.”

Sophie gulped and nodded. “Yes.”

Jasper gestured toward the palace. “Shall we, Mrs. Radcliff?”

A sad little smile crossed her face. “Yes, Lord Jasper.”

They returned to the palace in silence, side by side, Jasper painfully aware that he had lost an opportunity to be with her. He watched her discreetly, regretting his restraint, but knowing it was for the best. And it was too late now, anyway. He had an estate to run, the truth to discover about Isabelle, and Sophie had his brother’s children to care for. They would not grow any closer when everyone else returned, either, and he regretted that very much.

And then one day she would be gone off to another place of employment, or return to Madam Clover in London, and he might never see her again.

He grimaced at the very idea of her leaving Ravenswood. Once, he had relished the idea of seeing the back of her. But now, Ravenswood would not be the same without her. He would miss doing all he could just to annoy her.

They parted ways with a polite nod before the house and he watched her slip away, through a different doorway.

Jasper cursed under his breath, and he stalked toward his private study where work awaited him. He put his money away and went through the motions of sitting down at his desk, taking out the lengthy list Nash had left for him to attend to, and crossed off the last tasks. He pulled out another set of papers from a desk drawer; one he’d made. His own list of improvements for the Ravenswood estate to show to the duke upon his return.

Yet all he could think of was Sophie: the softness of her skin, the scent of her body, and the rapid rise and fall of her chest when she met his gaze. Her laughter. Her conversation.

Her lips pressed against his.

They wanted each other.

He’d sell his soul for a taste of her one more time. But could a rake change enough for a woman like Sophie to trust completely? She had expected him to join the orgy. He wouldn’t have done that without her beside him, too. But he wouldn’t have let anyone else have her. He’d have kept her protected and for himself.

Jasper burst out of his chair in frustration. He could not conform. Jasper would not bend his knee just to have a woman kiss him back with as much need coursing through her veins as his. He would not become proper and marry Sophie even for all the money she would inherit one day, either. Marrying for wealth hadn’t made his brother Nash’s life any happier, but clearly, he had a chance to do it again, with Sophie none the wiser for his motives.