Page 5 of Love and Other Disasters

“Why ever not?”

She forced a smile and shrugged. “Lord Jasper has a low opinion of servants who believe themselves deserving of his conversation.”

Mrs. Crawford shook her head. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be that off-putting.”

“Oh, he means to be,” Sophie replied with a soft laugh. “Of that, I’m quite certain. It’s easier to talk with Lord Nash than with him.”

“That does indeed sound dire.” Mrs. Crawford sighed and sat down, forcing Sophie to do the same. “Perhaps it’s the curse of being the third son that colors his tongue still.”

Sophie settled on a wooden stool, arranging her old blue muslin skirts into unnecessarily neat folds about her legs. “What does being a third son have to do with him being rude to me at every turn?”

“The spare’s spare. A forever afterthought. He had it worse than even Stratford growing up.” Mrs. Crawford raised a brow as if it was all the explanation needed. When Sophie shook her head, Mrs. Crawford continued. “Jasper has spent all his life knowing he’s been set to one side. Not wanted until he becomes necessary, like at dinners such as tonight. A man to make up the numbers, just as you often are, too. I cannot count the number of times he’s made a new friend, only to have them set their sights on joining Ravenswood and Nash’s circle of acquaintances instead.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Sophie protested. “What horrible people they must be to use anyone so callously.”

“Yes. It’s even worse when women do it. Each eager to catch an elder brother’s eye. Hoping to become the next duchess or mistress. Next season, the duke will return to Town and that will be a trying time for everyone, especially Jasper. People will climb all over him to get to the duke’s or Nash’s side.”

She had to admit she was glad to learn the way Lord Jasper spoke to her might have nothing to do with her at all. “Why Nash?”

“The entire world knows Nash and the duke are extremely close, and you are important to Nash as well, as governess of his children. The duke and Nash always like the same people, and you hold a special place in the family hierarchy in your own right. Perhaps greater than Jasper.”

Sophie drew back, shocked by that suggestion. “I’m not like those women. I only want to speak about, and for, the children to Lord Nash. To convince their father to become more involved in their upbringing. They are so alone here.”

Mrs. Crawford smiled sadly. “I felt that way before I married.”

“Even without family, we can touch the lives of others and become content,” she said, looking down at her faded skirts. “Even if it is only for a little while, we can choose to be happy with our lot in life.”

Mrs. Crawford leaned forward. “My dear Mrs. Radcliffe. I cannot fathom the loneliness an orphan must face every day. I had a horrible brother and a large family that wanted complete control of my life. Even if they did not treat me with the kindness and understanding I hoped for, they were always there.”

Sophie nodded. “One cannot miss what one never had.”

Mrs. Crawford impulsively clasped Sophie’s hand and squeezed it. “Well, you’re with us now, and a delightful companion indeed. Do not let Jasper convince you otherwise. Besides, my cousin Nash seems determined to include you and that is all that matters.”

“He’s been so kind,” she said, blushing in remembrance of the uncomfortable nights she’d spent at the duke’s table of late. She was utterly out of her depth around the duke, and her employer, too, unless she was talking about his children. She found Lord Stratford easier to deal with, but Lord Jasper was impossible. He was determined not to like her and make her appear difficult in front of everyone. Sophie would prefer to be ignored entirely.

“Please do not make the mistake of thinking too well of my cousin Nash,” Mrs. Crawford warned suddenly.

Sophie gazed at Mrs. Crawford without understanding.

“He’s not for someone like you.” The woman winced. “I should not like you to mistake his kindness for something greater.”

Any sense of companionship with Mrs. Crawford vanished, only to be replaced with horror at the idea of an improper relationship with her employer. “I certainly will never forget my place, madam.”

“Not that I don’t think well of you, you understand. Quite the opposite,” Mrs. Crawford promised. “I just wanted to be certain you understand the situation.”

Sophie clasped her hands tightly together in her lap, horrified by the discussion. “He’s married. Indeed, he is. He has never given me any sign of… I have never encouraged him to think…”

“I’m glad. I should hate for him to betray his vows, even if his attraction to another became urgent.”

Sophie stood, unsettled by any discussion of attraction. Those feelings were not to be trusted in her experience. “I would too, especially for the children’s sake.”

Mrs. Crawford rose as well. “I did not mean to upset you, my dear. It’s just…I see how you are together and wonder if something is brewing under the surface.”

“Not within me. As I told Lord Jasper earlier in the evening, I’m just a governess.”

Mrs. Crawford shook her head at that. “That is not all you are, but we will speak no more on the subject since it has upset you. Perhaps when I return from my trip, you and I might discuss the topic of your future.”

“My future?”