Page 37 of Deep Cover

The case was finally moving.

It felt good. Familiar. The one part of this week she knew how to handle.

Reid was another matter entirely.

She didn’t know how to be in a room with him. Didn’t know what came next or how any of this could possibly end.

She only knew she couldn’t figure out how to not love him.

NINE

Rivers heard the low murmur of voices coming from the common room and slowed his steps as he passed the doorway. Most of the team was gathered there, and he braced his hand on the cool concrete wall, sweeping the room for Caryssa.

He located her sitting near the wall, curled into one of the mismatched armchairs, an old sixties-era magazine from the Montclair ski resort above the base in her lap. She didn’t look up at him, and he watched her for a heartbeat, turning the page, soft and yellowed from age.

How many times had he watched her this way…back then? Just seeing her here in his space made warmth bloom in his chest.

Then he heard the sniffle.

His head swung toward the cluster of sofas across the room. Jolie, Monk, Rome and Stina all gathered close. Jolie was tucked close against her significant other’s side, staring down at her hands twisted in her lap.

Her low, unsteady voice cut through the quiet, and Rivers’s feet carried him closer before he decided to move. He’d failed her and Stina once already. If he could help now, he would, even if all he could offer was a listening ear.

As he neared, he caught her words. “I was on a group call with my siblings. They asked if I was okay…after the kidnapping.”

Rivers’s jaw locked.

“My brothers wanted details. I think they feel guilty on some level for not being there, you know?” She looked up at Stina, who nodded. Then she went on, “My sister just kept asking if I was sure I was fine, as if she didn’t believe me the first four times I said it.”

Archer tightened his arm around her, bringing her closer to his side. “You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t feel up to saying.”

“I know. I just—” She let out a shaky breath. “Talking to them brought it close to the surface again…and I dreamed about it last night. The SUV. The man’s voice.” She stopped herself and shook her head hard as if she could dislodge the memory.

And Christ, what Rivers wouldn’t give to take the memories from them forever. He’d gladly shoulder the weight if it meant they could be free of nightmares and the emotional fallout.

Jolie drew in a shaky breath. “I haven’t gotten that far in my psychology degree yet, but I found out on my own that talking about it brings back the nightmares.”

Stina sat nearby, arms wrapped around her knees and her eyes downcast as she listened. From her pose, it was apparent she was reliving it right alongside her friend.

“It was terrifying.” Jolie shook her head. “But I’ve lived through worse. I lost my parents young. Raised my siblings without any skills. We barely scraped by. I know how to live with fear. I just didn’t think I’d have to learn about a different kind of fear.”

Monk cradled her head in one big hand against his chest. “I know.”

He knew fear more than any of them. He earned his nickname of Monk because he would spend hours meditating to deal with being held captive by Cipher before he came to Blackout.

Rivers stood frozen, chest aching with the heaviness of what these women had gone through—were still going through. Because he was in the hospital, he hadn’t been here to witness the aftermath. By the time he returned, no one was talking about the incident, so he hadn’t known about the ache in Jolie’s voice. Hadn’t understood, until right now, how deep this ran in Stina.

The women were the real heroes in all of it. He’d taken a bullet, but they marched on with a brave face, distracting themselves with college courses, crafts and projects around the base that drove Cannon up a wall. He had a scar to show what happened to him…but their scars were inside.

At Jolie’s fresh sniffle, Caryssa got up from the armchair and crossed the space to sit closer to Jolie and Stina in a silent offer of support.

Rivers had heard that Caryssa asked both women to sit down with her and go over what happened at Antonio’s. Apparently, they’d agreed. He didn’t know what they’d told her, only that she was working the connection between the restaurant and Bill Kohler.

But right now, she wasn’t approaching them as an FBI analyst. She was going to two women who were hurting.

The room fell silent around them, the low conversation quieted, and Rorke even switched off the TV as they all processed the heaviness of the moment.

Rivers found Rome’s stare on him and saw the same helplessness reflected there. Maybe the rest of the guys had heard this all before, but judging from their expressions, he didn’t think so.