Page 49 of Fallen Crown

“You won’t always feel like this,” she says. “But it’s a long, rough road.”

She probably means the grief over my father, but I’ve slipped into thoughts of her again, as though considering the magnitude of my father’s death is too much to process. It is. My world has changed—altered forever—and I don’t know what our family or my foundation looks like going forward. No matter what I’ve done, I always knew my father would be in my corner, perhaps with some level of disapproval, but still there.

“You know the last thing he said to me?” My throat tightens, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get the words out. He spent a few minutes alone with each of us before they started the IV drugs.

She gazes at me, and her blue eyes that I once considered ice chips are as open and clear as a pale-blue sky in the middle of summer.

“He said he was going to miss me.” My unshed tears make her blurry. “Strange, isn’t it? To think he might miss me when there’s this gaping hole in my life now.”

“I believe all the souls we’re meant to meet never really leave our life,” she says.

The way she phrases it makes me think she’s talking about more than just my dad. I scrub my tears against my crossed arms, willing myself to stem the tide. If I really start crying, I’m not sure how I’ll stop.

“You’re going to think I have a screw loose, I’m sure.” There’s a hint of a smile in her tone. “Or I’m secretly some new age hippie, but I’ve spent a not insignificant amount of time reading about where souls go after someone dies.”

“Why?” I keep my voice gentle, but I drill her with my gaze, hopeful she’ll tell me.

“I just—” She flushes. “I just needed it.”

“It helped?”

“Yeah.” She shifts her focus to her hand that’s still rotating around my back. “It helped.”

Since I can’t get either of my arms free to comfort her without causing her to disentangle herself from me, I give her another kiss on top of her head.

“Are you this affectionate with everyone?” she asks.

“Yes.” Mostly true. I don’t tend to plant kisses all over my platonic friends, but I’m quick with a hug, an arm draped around a shoulder, a high five. Not what she means, I’m sure. But I’m not admitting anything that’ll cause her to move away from me. Either way, I’m grateful for the subject change.

“You aren’t like—maybe I shouldn’t plant kisses all over my friends?”

“Nah, the opposite actually. I’m all about free love.” I give her a playful grin. “A kiss for you. Another for you. One more for you.” I let my lips linger on the top of her head again. “My friends like it.”

“Brent enjoys it?”

“Loves it.” I almost say he isn’t as keen when I do it to Posey, but that steers us in a direction I’d rather not go.

She lets out a little laugh and snuggles closer. “As long as you do this to everyone.”

“My lips know no limits.” She’s molded so tightly against me that I can feel almost every inch of her.

“Wild and free forever.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?”

Tucker is quiet for a long time, and I wonder whether I said something wrong. Maybe she’s thinking about how she was wild and free until she tied herself to the lead weight of Enzo. Every time I remember that, it makes me mad. I can’t imagine having actually done it.

Her stomach rumbles, and I arch my eyebrows at her. “You hungry?” I don’t want to move, but I’m not sure about the altered temperature between us. A chill sneaked in, and perhaps a change of scene will return the warmth to the air.

“You have enough to worry about,” she says. “I can eat when I get home.”

“Not a chance,” I say. “It’ll be my pleasure to feed you.”

Or it would be if I could feed her whatever I wanted. Mutual pleasure—I’d make sure of it.

Before I can lock onto the image and embarrass myself, I clamber off the bed, and she follows behind me, straightening her clothes. I hold out my hand, and she stares at it for a minute before sliding her palm against mine. We’ve held hands before, but tonight is different. Seems like we both sense it.

She trails behind me as I lead her to a second door in my bedroom. It opens into a hallway that takes us directly to another hallway, which leads to the royal kitchen. As a kid, I thought my suite of rooms were the best because of this secret second door.