Page 101 of Fallen Crown

Outside her hospital door, I mentally recap all the things I need to tell her during this conversation. It’s a lot, and there’s a chance I’ll scare her off, but I’ve spent the last two days hoping for this chance, and I’m not going to waste the opportunity.

Sweat dampens my palms, and I wipe them on my dress pants. I’m still wearing parts of the suit I had on for the flight from Denmark. My tie and jacket were abandoned long ago, and I’ve rolled my shirt sleeves to the elbows.

When I open the door, Tucker meets my gaze from the hospital bed, and my gut clenches at her still so pale. There’s a bandage on her temple from where she hit the vanity in the restaurant when she collapsed. It still makes me angry and does funny things to my heart to think of her lying on the floor, unconscious. If I’d been the one to find her, my heart would have been on the floor beside her while we waited for help.

“I don’t even know where to start,” I say, which is not how I planned to start.

“Me either,” she says, and she holds out her hand.

I shut the door behind me, and I cross to her bedside to take her hand. She shifts over to leave enough room for me to sit on the bed beside her. This feels like a good sign. If she was going to choose Enzo, she wouldn’t let me this close. Unless she wanted to let me down gently.

“Enzo asked me to try again,” she says.

“Are you going to?” My chest tightens almost unbearably, and it takes everything in me not to drop to my knees and beg her not to.

“We’re beyond that, I think,” she says. “And so that’s—that’s my decision regardless of how the rest of this conversation goes.”

My breathing is shallow, and hope, rather than dread, starts to stir in my stomach.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you in the cabin,” she whispers, and she’s staring at our linked hands. “After my miscarriage, we found out that I’m not able to carry a baby to term. It’ll just—it’ll never happen for me. We went to all kinds of specialists and experts, you know, before you offer some sort of solution. My uterus doesn’t function properly, and giving birth will never be something I can do. Saying it out loud is really hard.” Her voice is thick, and when she glances up at me, there are tears in her eyes. “And I know how important a baby is to you.”

Her admission causes a flood of heat and cold to rush over my body. The realization of exactly how badly I fucked up in Fiji hits me like a Mack truck. “Maren,” I breathe out.

Tears trickle down her cheeks, and she gives a little shrug. “You didn’t know, but it’s why Enzo left. Or one of the main reasons.” She closes her eyes, and more tears slide to her chin.

Her sadness is cracking my heart open, and I don’t know what to say, but I can’t stand seeing her cry. I catch them with my thumbs and brush them aside before planting my lips on her forehead and breathing her in. How she can still smell like peaches after being in the hospital for days is a mystery. Enzo left her alone in her grief, and then I prioritized a baby over her too. No wonder she didn’t want to talk to me after my have my baby bullshit.

“I told him that I didn’t want to have kids. Even if there was a way, I didn’t want them.”

It’s almost, but not quite, the line she fed me in the cabin. The one that rang false to me, but I’m not sure if the falseness was because she physically can’t have kids or whether she’s trying to convince herself she doesn’t want them. Some of my friends have gone through fertility troubles, and I’ve seen the strain it can put on relationships. This time, it’s contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. Her reluctance makes sense.

“Is that really how you feel?” If I’m taking Nick’s advice, I can’t leave any stone unturned, any question unanswered.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I thought so.” Her voice is thick with tears. “But then lately…” She searches my face. “Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about a baby with brown hair and light-brown eyes.”

There’s a good chance I’ve stopped breathing, and I scan her expression to see if I’m reading her right. “Tucker, are you saying you’ve thought about having my baby?”

“I can’t do the arrangement you want. Coparenting with no attachments. It would gut me to see you with someone else. Just the thought of it is a knife to my heart.” Her chin wobbles, and her bottom lip trembles.

“Oh, Tucker. Jesus, what have I done?” I gather her to me, and she cries against my chest. “There’s no one else. I’ve been running from commitment my whole life because it’s the one place where I don’t get a do-over. Can’t finesse my way out of it. No divorce for the Summersets. Used to be fucking terrifying,” I say into her hair.

She sniffles against my shirt and squeezes me. If I don’t go all in with my feelings here, I’ll have the regrets Nick warned me about.

“But I didn’t see you coming. Never knew I could love someone with this much depth and certainty. I’m not afraid anymore, Tucker. I have no doubt we’ll grow together—grow older, grow wiser, grow to love each other more. Whether we have kids just changes the view from the mountain. If I’ve got you, I’m already at the peak. I don’t need anything else.”

She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in the hollow, hugging me tight. “You always have such pretty words.”

“That’s all you’re going to give me, Tucker?” My voice is hoarse.

“God, this is scary.” She inhales a shaky breath. “While we were training, I tried so hard to keep you out, and I couldn’t do it. It was impossible.” She draws back to meet my gaze. “I love you too,” she says. “I love you so much.” She places a gentle kiss at the edge of my mouth. “I want the view with you, but I’m just so afraid we’ll never get it.”

“Another challenge for us to overcome together. But if we do walk that path, and it ever gets too hard or rough, I need you to tell me because you mean so much more to me than a ‘what if.’ Do you understand? I won’t have you miserable when we can be perfectly happy just the two of us.”

“I hear you,” she says, and she searches my face before pressing her lips to mine. “Can you lie with me for a while? Enzo’s supposed to come back, and I’ll need to tell him my decision, but I just want to be with you for a bit. Feels like you were gone forever.”

“Longest five days of my life,” I agree as I ease down and draw her tight against my side.

“Can you tell me about Denmark, or is it top secret royal business? I’m assuming it’s got something to do with the mess Alex made?”