Page 44 of Heavy Crown

“He’s spending his not-so-hard-earned money on me. I would have liked to know. The only thing he got me for my birthday was infidelity.”

“Ah yes, the gift of infidelity. The classic two-year anniversary is cotton, in case you didn’t know. Clearly, he did not. Very uncultured. Perhaps he was using cotton sheets on the bed? We could give him the benefit of the doubt. Were those new?”

Instead of hitting me in the chest, which seems to be her favorite move, she laughs and shakes her head. “You’re ridiculous. It wasn’t our anniversary; it was my birthday.”

“I suppose you can consider your cart of gifts from the front entrance his appropriate present. I’ll have anything else he sends returned unopened.”

“A friend normally enjoys seeing a shitty ex-boyfriend groveling.”

“Do they? Must have missed that class on friendship etiquette.”

“Probably not a skill you were required to learn.”

“Definitely not.” I run a hand through my hair. “To be fair, apart from Julia you’re my only female friend. Women tend to grovel differently when they’re in trouble with a man.” He winks.

“Oh?” Rory says with a smile.

“Friends don’t let friends get blowjobs from crazy ex-girlfriends. Tends to be how that works.” Even in the sharp overhead lights, her blush is obvious. I’m tempted to say blowjob again to see if her redness deepens. “This notion of flowers, chocolates, and Rollerblades is foreign to me.”

“Men apologize with gifts instead of sexual favors,” she says.

“Sounds bor-ring.”

She slaps my chest and stops walking. When I almost run into her, she stumbles back and loses her footing. As she’s going down, I loop my arm around her waist to keep her upright, flush against me. Her breath catches when she glances up, and I’m praying my sweatpants aren’t revealing the effect she’s having.

During our evenings together, I’ve avoided close contact. We can talk about anything as long as we’re at least the length of the couch apart. But this—right here—is much too close. Just like when I hauled her out of the car, warmth floods my chest at her proximity, and that sharp pain just above my ribs returns. Being near her is equal parts painful and soothing. The strangest sensation.

“Are you all right?” My voice is gruff with need.

“You caught me.” She’s breathy with desire.

There’s another surge of electricity between us. “I’d never let you fall.” It’s not a line. I mean it with everything in me. If I could shield her from the world, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

She melts into me, and we stare at each other for a beat longer than we should. The air around us hums, and she rises on her toes, her gaze never leaving mine. I should step back or step away. Heading down this path is madness. At the last minute, she shifts the tiniest bit to the right, and her lips brush against my cheek. I close my eyes and breathe her in, savoring the mix of sugar and vanilla that’s seeped into her skin, a natural perfume.

“Alex.” Her breath skims across my lips, enticing me to take more, to see whether she tastes as she smells.

How can one word have so much need and hope mixed in? She wants me, and God help me, I want her too.

But she’s Canadian.

She’s ten years younger than me.

Brief or long-term affairs are no longer an option.

I have to find a wife, and she cannot be it.

Leading her to believe otherwise is wrong. She deserves better than Derrick, and she deserves better than I can offer too.

With more willpower than I realized I possessed, I release her and take a step back. Neither of us speaks, and her confusion is written large across her face. What do I tell her?

“You feel it, too, don’t you?” she whispers. “Like we’ve known each other forever. Tell me I’m not crazy.”

I run my hands through my hair and entwine my fingers behind my neck. “I don’t have the luxury of following every whim or feeling.” The pain above my ribs spreads, crowding out the last of the warmth. “Friendship is all I can offer you.”

We stare at each other in silence, and then I ease my hands down my cheeks. “I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I’ll walk myself.”