Page 89 of Scarred Crown

My stomach rolls, and I stir the custard mixture in my little bowl, but I don’t take a bite. The girl is Julia. Has to be.

“An island girl.” My mother sits up straighter. She hesitates for a beat before continuing. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you because you’ve been so discreet so far, but if the press catches wind—”

“You don’t need to worry.” A sly smile slides across his face before he takes a sip of his water. “She’s trustworthy. A good girl. Very, very good at keeping secrets. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Our relationship won’t get out unless we want it to.”

My mother’s shoulders relax. “Oh, well, I’m happy for you, Alex. She sounds lovely. I hope we get to meet her someday.”

Little do they know. My heart is contracting in my chest, and I’m struggling to get a full breath. Alex and Jules keep playing in my mind. Alex and Julia.

What will he give her? I don’t want to think about it.

“What about you, Nick? You seem to be spending an awful lot of time with Vicky lately. Is that getting serious?”

They’ve never cared as much about who I was with compared to Alex’s girlfriends. With him, they’re keenly aware, as is the rest of the country, that Alex’s tastes will help lead the country. My girlfriends are gossip, nothing more.

“Not overly,” I mutter.

“Does she realize you aren’t overly serious?” My mother frowns.

I catch my grandmother’s gaze across the table, and there’s a frown creasing her brow. Her silvery hair is pinned into a neat updo, and despite her age, she’s never seemed old to me. Strong and fierce, that’s my gran.

“I’m actually not feeling well.” I set down my spoon. “May I be excused?” I direct the question at my grandmother since she’s the one who runs the Christmas Eve table and any other table she sits at.

“You may.” She picks up her own fork, and I can feel her eyes on me as I exit the room.

When I reach my family’s suite, I collapse on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Julia sends me another text with a series of question marks. I turn off my phone.

I don’t know how long I lay there trying to fight off the edges of panic gnawing at my insides, but by the time I get up, it’s dark, and the house is quiet.

I wander down to the kitchen and search for leftovers, but there isn’t anything I can stomach. Julia and Alex circle in my head, and I hate it, but I don’t know how to push them out.

A ride. A fast ride down some dark, winding streets will clear my head. When I’m busy or distracted, the dragging, aching sadness doesn’t overwhelm me.

On the way out the door, I grab my keys and leather jacket. I throw it on without zipping it up. There’s a bite to the air tonight, and it feels like rain.

When I get to the garage, Alex’s motorcycle is missing. I stare at the empty space for a minute. My heart sinks. He’ll be with Julia somewhere. In her room? Are they together right now? Do they ride around the island like she and I used to? Her pressed against his back with her arms wrapped around his middle. The thought causes my gut to clench.

I haven’t had the nerve to turn my phone back on, but I do that now. Other than the question marks, she hasn’t sent another message. Busy, probably.

I hit the button to raise the garage door and swing my leg over my bike. For a moment, I don’t switch on the ignition. Whenever I sit still, there’s a deep canyon that opens up in me. Sometimes I think it’ll swallow me whole.

Before I can second-guess my escape in the middle of the night from my life, I turn on my motorcycle and roar down the long laneway toward the gates.

On instinct, I take the roads that lead me to Julia. They’re the ones I know best in the dead of night. Rain drizzles down from the sky. With each exhale, my breath puffs out and is carried away by the breeze.

The faster I go, the stronger the wind is against my chest. The pressure feels good, and I accelerate more, daring the speedometer to tick up higher and higher.

I’m so focused on the freedom, the absence of the aching pain in my chest that I forget about the blind corner at the top of Julia’s road.

Stupid. So stupid.

I squeeze the brakes with all my might, but the road is slick from the rain. The motorcycle slips to the side underneath me and careens toward a tree. My last thought before I slam into the tree is Julia.

Julia

When Nick strolls into his room, he freezes at the entry to the sitting room portion of the suite where I’m seated in an armchair while Dr. Bennett inspects my tattoo. A frown creases his brow, and my heart kicks at the concern etching his face. The tenderness in his gaze is familiar, but it’s also foreign. When was the last time he showed such open affection and concern? My stomach flutters. I didn’t even realize how much I missed having him look at me that way.

“Are you okay?” He comes to peer over the doctor’s shoulder.