Page 104 of Scarred Crown

“I know my father said you and Nick had decided to ride out your marital blunder, but if you’re being pressured by him or by Nick to stay married, I can annul it as soon as I’m king. We can delay this whole date-setting idiocy today. I’ve got no problem cutting that off.” He taps a pen on his desk and stares me down.

Annoyance and sympathy war in me. While he hasn’t said a word to me in years about wanting to marry me, I’ve been aware of what he’d like to see happen. When he visited me in college, I made it clear I didn’t want what he was offering. But as I know all too well, the heart can’t be reasoned with.

We have been friends with varying levels of closeness over the years, which is why I’ll entertain at least a bit of this conversation.

“I don’t want an annulment, Alex.”

“Are you being pressured to stay married to him?” He leans forward and gestures to one of the chairs.

I’m not sitting. This conversation isn’t going to be a long one. Nick would hate that I’m in here. “I’m not. This is my choice.”

“You’ve been speaking to him for a few weeks and that’s enough to build a marriage on? I remember when you told me you’d never get married. And in the unlikely event you did, you’d never marry into the royal family because you didn’t want the social pressures, the scrutiny.”

“I was eighteen. People are allowed to change their minds.” At the time, I was angry with Nick, and I didn’t think gaining his love was even possible. I already knew I didn’t want Alex’s attention, at least not in that way. Telling him anything different, even at eighteen, felt dangerous. He was pinning expectations on me that I didn’t want. He still is.

Alex stands up and shoves his hands into the pockets of his suit pants and stares out the window. “I’ve been hoping you’d change your mind, but this wasn’t what I expected.”

“I’ve been very honest with you, haven’t I?” Maybe I led him on that summer, but I tried so hard to keep boundaries between us after that. Yes, we’ve been friends, but I never accepted any of his romantic overtures.

“Do you love him?” He turns to face me.

Yes. There’s not a single doubt in my mind, but I haven’t even said the words to Nick, so I definitely can’t give them to Alex.

Besides, Alex will probably laugh at me. In love with Nick after such a short time? He’d label it lust or unlikely, as though I’m still some naïve schoolgirl.

This isn’t my first experience with love. I’ve loved other men or thought I did, but never with the depth I once loved Nick. Nick’s been in my heart, dormant, for years. What’s happening between us now is a reawakening. My heart is coming out of hibernation after a long winter. It feels good to embrace the sun. We knew each other so completely. I want that back with him, and I think we can get it. He hurt me. He hurt me so badly. But the pain is receding, and the scars are fading.

“Nick wouldn’t be okay with us having this conversation. There are things that I can’t share with you. We can’t be each other’s confidants anymore.”

“So you marry Nick and stop being my friend?” He squints at me in disbelief.

I can’t tell him Nick doesn’t like him. Alex has told me he regrets they aren’t close, and he doesn’t understand why Nick prefers Brice. Becoming their go-between won’t help any of us.

A different tactic is needed and given all the pieces to the puzzle I’ve slotted into place since Nick and I started to talk things through, I’ve got some questions of my own.

“The night of your father’s birthday, the summer we were together, did you see Nick? Did you know Nick saw us?” The way Alex kissed me the second time never felt right to me, but I couldn’t pinpoint why.

He turns back to the window and doesn’t say anything for a beat. “It was dark. I have no idea what he saw or didn’t see.”

That’s as close to a confirmation as I’ll ever get from Alex.

“I need to go.” I head for the door. Alex must have suspected that second kiss is what blew Nick and me apart, and he never said a word to me. Never even hinted at Nick discovering our aborted affair.

He follows me, hot on my heels. When I throw open the door, he grabs my elbow. “That’s it?”

“He saw us,” I hiss. “And you knew. You saw me absolutely gutted, bewildered at the loss of Nick’s friendship, and you didn’t say a word.” I wrench my arm free. “I’m not sure we were ever friends. I think you’ve been biding your time, hoping I’d change my mind. But I haven’t. I won’t.”

“You and Nick didn’t work then. You’re not going to work now either.” His expression is a mixture of anger and frustration.

“We never had a chance,” I say. “You made sure of that.”

I take a step away from him, determined to put this conversation behind me.

“No.” He reaches for me again, spinning me toward him almost into his arms. “No, the outcome wasn’t my fault. I took advantage of an opening, but it existed because you two weren’t honest with each other. Just like neither of you were honest with me. Don’t lay your foolish behavior at my feet.”

I grit my teeth to keep from lashing out at him. “We’re not the same people.”

“No?” He searches my face. “You’ve told Nick everything you know?”