Page 139 of One Night with Number Nineteen

I frown. “You just got here. Why would you go?”

“You’re pissed,” he says. Like that’s a complete explanation.

And maybe in another life, it would have been.

Tonight, though, it’s not enough.

“I’ll explain to Ollie tomorrow,” he says. “Apologize and take him somewhere to make up for it.”

“Don’t you have practice tomorrow? And that photo shoot?”

He freezes. Then curses softly. “Shit, yeah. The day after, I’ll make it up to him.”

“Okay,” I say quietly.

“Did he like the present?”

“We agreed to wait until you were here.”

Pain ripples across his face. “Right.”

“You know,” I tell him. “I’m not pissed about you missing the concert.”

He goes statue still. “You’re not?”

“No, I’m not. Tires blow. Lunches run late and schedules go sideways. People miss things.” A beat. “You miss things, no matter how hard you try to prevent that from happening.” I sigh. “We all screw up sometimes, Sawyer.”

“I’m really sorry⁠—”

“I know. But you need to know that what I’m really mad about is because you keep killing yourself to make everyone happy.”

“How is that a bad thing?” he asks, his eyebrows dragging together.

“Because you’re so worried about disappointing one person that you’re going to end up disappointing everyone—including yourself. Today it was me, was Ollie. Tomorrow…”

“That’s not fair,” he says. “I fucked up and double-booked. I’ll just be more careful with scheduling in the future, make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“Except it will happen again.” I touch his jaw. “You made a mistake. It happens. Ollie and I can forgive that.”

His eyes cloud. “Why do I hear a but coming?”

Because there is.

Because I lived a different pattern before…albeit one with the same results.

If Sawyer is trying to be there for everyone, how can he be there for me? For Ollie? And when he inevitably struggles to keep all the plates spinning—and one or more fall—what toll will that take on me? On us? On Ollie?

How can I do this again?

“But,” I whisper, “I’m not sure I can end up there again.”

Hurt sliding across his face. “I’m not like Ben, Pages.”

“No, you’re not anything like him.” I sigh. “Hell, you’re basically his polar opposite. And yet…” I close my eyes. “I’m terrified we’ll end up in the same place anyway.”

He staggers back a step, the expression on his face absolutely killing me. “I made a mistake.”

“I know.”