Page 76 of Fighting For You

Nora. Her hands on my neck, pressing down, holding me together. Her face above mine against the night sky, close enough that I could see the worry in her eyes and the set of her jaw. She was talking to me the way she talked to her patients, steady and clear, except her voice was shaking.

"Stay with me, Knox."

"Knox, are you still with me?"

"Knox?"

"Knox!"

My eyes opened. The ceiling was white. The room was dark. Nora was beside me, her hand on my face, her eyes wide.

For a second I didn't know where I was. My chest was heaving and the sheets were soaked through with sweat. Nora's face came into focus first. Then the room. The dresser. The window. Our apartment. Our bed.

"You were having a bad dream." Her thumb moved across my cheek.

I reached up and took her hand. Held it against my face. Then I reached for her with my other hand and touched her jaw, her cheekbone, her hair. Making sure she was real. Making sure I was awake.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded. My breathing was still ragged. I closed my eyes and focused on her hand against my skin until it steadied.

She shifted closer and laid herself across my chest, her chin resting on her arms, looking up at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded. We both sat up. Nora pulled the pillow into her lap and sat facing me.

"I've been trying to make lieutenant," I said. "I passed the written exam in March. Assessment panel in April. My name went on the eligibility list in July." I stared at the wall across the room. "After what happened to Travis, Thompson pulled me off the list. I'm done for this cycle."

"Knox, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. That's not what's keeping me up." I rubbed my face with both hands. "I went back into a burning building to save a dog. I didn't answer my radio. Thompson had to send Travis in after me because I wasn't responding, and Travis got hurt because of it."

Nora was quiet. Her hand found my knee.

"This isn't the first time someone got hurt in a fire because of me."

I took a long breath. Held it. Let it go.

"When I was twelve, I was at a warehouse near our neighborhood with some friends. We were messing around. Being stupid. We started a fire."

Nora's hand tightened on my knee.

"It got out of control fast. The whole building went up. Our dog Beckett had been sniffing around the warehouse when the fire started. I went in to find him and couldn't get out. Gage came in and pulled me out." I stopped. "Then he went back inside to get Beckett."

My fists balled on the sheets.

"The building came down. Gage and Beckett were both inside."

I couldn't look at her.

"He was only seventeen. He was already preparing for university. He had scholarship offers." My throat tightened. "But he⁠—"

I stopped. My eyes burned. I blinked and felt them spill over.

"I became a firefighter because of him." My voice came out rough. "Every time I'm on a call, it's like I'm trying to pull Gage out of that building. That's why I don't care if Thompson thinks it's unsafe for me to go back. If there's someone alive in a burning building, I'm going to pull them out. Because I couldn't do anything for Gage."

My voice broke.