Page 3 of Trying Not to Need You

I want to be needed.

I want to be loved.

None of those things are present in our relationship. I should have ended things with him a long time ago, but I thought it was just a phase until he made partner. Clearly, I was wrong. What’s worse is that I’m not all that upset about it. If I’m being honest, it’s a relief knowing that we’re parting ways.

“I’ll let you get back to work,” I tell him. The anger is suddenly no longer roaring through me. I’m still pissed, but being fuming mad and yelling isn’t going to change anything. It isn’t going to change him. He’s changed—hell, maybe I have, too; we’re different people, and this is no longer working.

“I’ll see you at home,” he says, shoving the medical bill into his desk and getting back to work. I’ve been dismissed, which stings, but it’s also expected. That’s the sum of our relationship, or was, because as of this moment, we’re over.

I don’t wave. I don’t say goodbye. Instead, I quietly make my way to the elevator and calmly push the down arrow. I wait patiently for the elevator car to arrive, and when the doors finally slide open, I don’t bother looking toward Todd’s office. Instead, I hit the button for the lobby and close my eyes for the ride.

I’m leaving tomorrow to go home for a week, and in my heart, I know what I have to do. I walk the three blocks back to the apartment with a clear head and a plan. Once inside, I grab my laptop and fire off a resignation letter, stating a family emergency. I hate to leave them without notice, but it’s a massive firm, and I’m just another body. They won’t miss me. Then, I start packing. All I need are my clothes and pictures. All of the furniture was Todd’s when I moved in, and even if it wasn’t, that can all be replaced.

There’s a reason New York is called the city that never sleeps, and tonight, I’m thankful for that. I’m able to secure a rental for an SUV for the drive home, and I’ve booked a cab to the car rental place. Some might see this as a rash decision, but I’m done. It’s been a long time coming.

I want to go home.

I miss my sisters, and I miss Magnolia Ridge.

One

Baylor

I’m exhausted, my body aches, and all I want is food and a bed. I drove through the night. It wasn’t my smartest decision, but the need to be home and put as much distance as possible between me, New York, and Todd pushed me forward.

It’s a twelve-and-a-half-hour drive. I made it in thirteen, counting fuel and bathroom stops, though somewhere along the way, I lost an hour to the time change. Now, it’s eleven-thirty the next morning, and I’m finally rolling to a stop outside my best friend Sophia’s house. I was supposed to fly, but I told Sophia the drive was good for me to clear my head. After my altercation with Todd, I didn’t want to be around people on a crowded plane. I needed time alone to process. She asked if I was okay, and I answered honestly, saying I wasn’t sure.

Sleep is all I can think about. I could easily disappear for the next twenty-four hours, but tomorrow is my big sister’s baby shower. So instead, I’ll settle for a hot meal, a shower, catching up with my best friend, and if I’m lucky, a solid eight hours of sleep before a new day begins. A day to celebrate my big sister and my niece.

The plan was always to stay at Sophia’s until after the shower, to surprise my sister. Leighton and Courtlynn know the plan, and they’ve been sworn to secrecy, at least where Ellison is concerned. I called Sophia last night to tell her I was on the road, and she’s checked in on me more times than I can count since I left New York. She doesn’t know all the details of what happened with Todd, not yet. That conversation feels like one that needs to happen face-to-face.

Besides, I needed the drive to process that I just uprooted my life. Thirteen hours alone to sit with the reality of what I’ve done. How I uprooted my entire life on impulse. I needed that time to try to make sense of my impulsive decision.

Should I have stood up and quit my job as I did? No. But as soon as I hit the Tennessee state line, my unease started to settle. Something about crossing that county line eased the tension inside me. When I graduated from college, I wanted out. I wanted more, and it turns out more isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When I finally cross the corporation limits for Magnolia Ridge, I can’t seem to find it in me to regret my choice.

I don’t know where I’m going to end up. I don’t know what my life will look like a week from now, or even a year from now. Everything feels uncertain. Like I’ve stepped off the edge of something familiar, and I’m now free-falling, hoping to land somewhere safe.

My safe place has always been my sisters, my best friend, and my hometown.

What I do know is this: I walked away. I ended a five-year relationship, quit my job, and packed up whatever I could fit into my rental car before driving through the night back to the only place I was certain was holding me back all those years ago. The memory of my parents was too much, so I fled, and now, here I am, going back, and it feels right. I didn’t leave myself much room to second-guess my choices either. If I had slowed down, thought too hard about the consequences, I might have stayed, which would have been worse.

So, I ran. I ran to save myself from what I knew would have been a lifetime of pain and feeling insignificant. The last couple of years have shown me what life would have been like if I had stayed. Instead, I chose distance. I chose silence over arguments, clarity over confusion, and my own peace over something that had been slowly breaking me for longer than I wanted to admit.

I stayed far longer than I should have, and tonight—well, last night now, I guess—the choice was easy. I chose myself.

And now I’m here, back where my sisters and my best friend are, where I can breathe a little easier, even if everything else feels like it’s falling apart. I don’t have a plan yet. I don’t have answers. But I have this moment, this small sense of relief, and the quiet certainty that leaving was the right thing to do—even if I’m still figuring out what comes next.

Grabbing my keys, phone, and purse, I climb out of the car. I’ll get some of my things later; right now, I need a hug from my best friend and a nap, in that order. The door to my rented SUV is barely closed before Sophia comes running out of the house, no coat, snow boots untied, as she rushes down the snow-covered steps to greet me. I brace myself for impact as she collides with me, wrapping me in a fierce hug. I hug her just as fiercely.

“I missed you,” she mutters, before pulling back, tears in her eyes to match the tears in mine. “Come on.” She tosses her arm around my shoulders and leads me into the warm house.

“Where’s Nathan?” I ask her. Sophia started dating Nathan a couple of years ago, and they’ve been living together for about a year.

“Oh, he’s at his parents’ place, helping his dad work on his motorcycle.”

“He made an excuse to give us some catch-up time, huh?” I ask.

She grins. “He did.”