Page 3 of Mates in Memory

Kodiak rounded the sofa and leaned back against it. We were all quiet for a long second before he spoke.

“What are you going to do when you get to Barry’s?” Kodiak asked.

“Talk to him. Make a plan. I don’t know where he is. I don’t know what he’s up to. I—” I said. “I’m not going to chase Uriel down today. I don’t think that even Xenos is that good at scrying people once they’re reborn.”

“Running to get the energy out. Running to do something even if it’s not going to change the circumstance?” Kodiak asked.

“I have to tell Barry,” I said.

I opened my mouth to say something about Finn, Kodiak’s deceased brother. Only Finn wasn’t Uriel level sinister. Finn was a combination of a bad upbringing, fear, and something I never figured out. Only Finn hadn’t killed his mate or kids. Finn had come back recently to help someone out. He said he was moving on now. At least, that’s the story we all heard.

“I’d want to know if Finn was reborn,” Kodiak nodded.

“Same with Brone,” Silas said about his father.

That settled it. It didn’t take long to plan and pack. We’d plan for me being gone through the weekend. I’d check in as much as I could. We’d give Xenos a head’s up I was coming for a visit. If Xenos and Barry’s house was too chaotic for me I’d stay at one of the empty matingmoon houses or set up camp in the woods. I was not a stranger to living off the land. I wouldn’t go after Uriel without letting them know what I was up to.

Even though it was my idea to go, my eyes teared up as I hugged and kissed my mates goodbye. I wanted to be alive to come back to them.

“What if he’s a kid still?” Kodiak asked.

“If he is, I hope he has a good family,” was all I could say.

“What if he’s a good guy this time around?” Silas asked.

“I don’t know. I’m not leaving you guys. I’m not leaving my family. I lived this long without him…” I said but they both smelled skeptical. I wouldn’t leave them. I couldn’t imagine a world where Uriel wasn’t violent. I hadn’t known while he was alive and might always fear he’d hide that side of himself from me again.

It was Star who met me at the Other World gateway. The dragon shifter was the son of Sky and Rune, part of the leadership of the Hemlock Wolf Pack, but his mate was Ezekiel. ‘Zeke’ was Uriel’s son with Hans, the baby Uriel tried to kill. It took a second for my brain to wrap around the reasons Star would have for wanting to know where Uriel was, but the dragon shifter hugged me anyway.

“Xenos called me,” Star said. “Figured you could use some company on the walk.”

“Had you heard the rumors before today?” I asked.

“I don’t believe rumors,” Star shrugged.

“Aren’t you worried?” I asked.

“Not really,” Star shook his head. “Worried about you and maybe Barry, but not about Uriel. People forget who they were when they die. You might never even meet him again. You don’t know where he is.”

“Madame Ove said he knew who he was,” I whispered.

“Okay,” Star nodded. “I know I was Mel in a past life. I was my sire’s best friend. I was also a dragon named Erg murdered by cake. I’m still an elf. I’d still rip heads off over my parents. I’m still a dragon but I’m not afraid of cake. I also wouldn’t hunt down your relatives if they were reborn to tear the heads off for killing me before.”

“You weren’t ---”

“Violent?” Star laughed. “The Other World isn’t all sunshine shining out of sunflower assholes,” Star shrugged. “You know that. I’m not saying Uriel came back as a great guy or a bad guy. I’m not saying anything about who he is or could be now. I’m merely saying knowing doesn’t mean you repeat what you did or don’t repeat it.”

Talking it in circles with Star should’ve been exhausting and annoying. Only the debate made sense to the jumbled chaos of my thoughts. It gave me something to push back against and maybe that’s all I needed.

“Do you think I’m being stupid?” I asked him when we neared the gateway that led to the territory of the Nightshade Bears.

“No, I don’t think you’re stupid or acting stupid. I think you’re having a very real full mind-body-spirit flashback to losing him and maybe to finding out what he’d done,” Star said.

“Do you think—”

“I think a lot of things,” Star grinned at me, his arm looped through mine. “None of them matter. You’re the one dealing with how you feel. The way I see it, is if everything inside of you says to run to Barry, maybe you should. Instincts don’t lie. Sometimes trauma warps them but running to Barry isn’t dangerous. Wanting to talk to someone who loves him even though he was a – I don’t have a word for it, Creon. Evil isn’t enough but also bad isn’t thorough enough.”

“I want to resurrect Brone and kick his teeth in over and over again,” I said.