Page 121 of A Story of Love

But Lorelei did not seem to hear him, her eyes vague as she stared into her past. “I engaged in sex with him not just once, but several times. The worst part of it was that I never even enjoyed it, but I kept doing it to please him.” She frowned and gulped, blinking rapidly. “Actually, that wasn’t the worst part. The worst was that I continued meeting him, even when it was clear that he’d lost interest in me. I only did so because I knew that when I stopped, that would be the end of all my so-called friendship with not only him, but the rest of the group.” She gave a slightly hysterical laugh. “As if any of them were worth it.”

Fast grimaced. “Good God. Please tell me he did not—”

“He did—he told them what we had been doing.” Her voice broke on the last word and two fat tears slid down her cheeks.

“Oh, Lorelei,” he murmured, stroking her back.

Lori angrily brushed her tears away with the back of her hand. “I have no idea why I’m crying now.”

Fast pulled her close, holding her so tightly it had to be painful. But Lorelei just burrowed closer.

“It was so humiliating, Fast.”

“You were an innocent trusting girl, and he took advantage of your generous heart, Lorelei. He behaved like a selfish arsehole.”

She gave a watery gurgle of laughter. “You are the first person I’ve ever told—I never even confessed it to Freddie. I wanted to tell my brother because I hated seeing how William smirked and simpered and behaved as if he were an angel in Jeremy’s presence. But I couldn’t say anything,” she said, the words hot puffs of air against his throat. “My brother owes his living to William’s father, and I was afraid of what Jeremy might do if he found out,” she said, her voice choked. “And the worst part of all was that he became betrothed a scant two weeks after he finished with me. He had never cared for me—he’d known all along he would marry somebody else. I hated him so much, Fast, but I was far angrier at myself for being so stupid. My brother knew something had happened when I stopped riding his lordship’s horses and stopped seeing William or any of the others, all of whom had been sniggering behind my back for weeks, laughing about the vicar’s whore of a sister who’d been spreading her legs for a man who’d tossed her aside like a piece of rubbish to marry somebody better.”

Her shoulders shook with silent sobs and Fast held her while she wept.

***

Lori sniffed tiredly and turned her head to look up at the man who’d held her quietly and patiently throughout her emotional outburst.

“I’m sorry for that,” she said, her voice nasally and eyes watery and no doubt shot with red.

“Shh,” he murmured, not pausing his soothing stroking. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

At some point during her emotional storm, he had carried her over to the settee and she’d sobbed out her heart while resting her head in his lap.

“I never cry. It’s been years—not since my mother died,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“There’s no shame in it. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while.”

She chuckled. “Oh really? And when was your last cry, pray?”

“When my brother died.”

Lori gasped. “Oh, Fast! I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”

“Hush. I know you didn’t mean anything.” He stared down at her, but his magnificent eyes had a blank look in them and she knew he was seeing something else.

“For almost sixteen years I thought I had killed my brother.”

“What?”

“Oh, I didn’t hold the gun to his head, but I felt as though I might as well have.” His gaze flickered and then gradually sharpened. “We had a falling out over a woman. It hadn’t been the first time we’d both fancied the same girl, but it was the first time we allowed our emotions to come between us.”

Lori sat up and faced him, taking his hand in hers and waiting patiently.

“Regardless of the fact that Percy was far kinder and had a much sweeter disposition—not to mention that he would inherit the title and everything that went with it—Louisa fell in love with me. Percy was furious when I told him that I’d asked her to marry me, and she’d accepted.” His lips turned down at the corners. “It turned out he had every right to be angry as Louisa had—weeks before and unbeknownst to me—promised to marry him.” He snorted. “Not only that, but while I had been saving myself for our marriage, Louisa and Percy had been lovers for months. I’m not proud to admit that I struck him at that point, hitting him hard enough to knock him unconscious. I was terrified that I’d killed him. I hadn’t, but I had fractured two of his ribs and he had a concussion from the fall.

“My grandfather was furious at me, but nowhere as furious as I was at myself. I confronted Louisa and discovered that Percy had not lied. She claimed that her parents had exerted pressure on her to accept Percy even though it was me she loved. The betrothal was to be kept a secret until her eighteenth birthday. Louisa swore that she was working up to telling them all the truth. And she also admitted that she’d been Percy’s lover the entire time.”

“Oh, Fast,” Lorelei murmured, squeezing his hand.

“Don’t feel too sorry for me, darling. I’m not proud of what I did next; I told her that our betrothal—which wasn’t even a day old—was over. I said that if I had to choose between her or Percy, the decision was easy. I was cruel and I wanted to hurt her. I hope that I would have eventually forgiven her—and apologized for my unkind words—but I never had the chance. Three days later—when Percy was able to leave his bed—he went into the woods and shot himself. Immediately afterward I argued with my grandfather who essentially told me he never wanted to see my face again.”

“And that is why you stayed away all these years?”