Page 76 of Outrageous

“Christ.” He threw back the contents of his glass and shivered with pleasure as the rich liquid burned a smooth path down his throat.

He briefly debated the wisdom of having another before pouring it, resolving it would be his last. He didn’t wish to be insensible while he lay in the darkness and stared at the ceiling tonight, but neither did he wish to be starkly sober.

The truth was that Eva had managed to worm her way under his skin. Not only her beautiful face and sweet little body, but the sheer volume of life that small package held. She’d been correct in her assessment of her behavior—she did behave immaturely at times. But if his behavior these past months was not immature, that was only because it veered into the area of dangerous stupidity. So, no, he didn’t fault her for her impulsive actions. Indeed, he honored her for caring so much about her family.

But the sad, disastrous truth was that he had nothing more to offer her than the negligible protection of his name and some bed sport—granted, he suspected the bed sport would be rather spectacular. He liked and respected her, but he did not love her. And he knew what love felt like because his love for Lucia and Carl still owned his heart, utterly.

It wasn’t conceit to say Eva was poised on the brink of giving her heart to him. She wouldn’t have become so incensed by Mrs. Crosby’s ridiculous behavior otherwise. Even if it was only infatuation brought on by their few kisses and his lamentable behavior beneath her skirts, it would leave her hurt when she realized he could not return her feelings.

It really was his hope they could live in relative amiability once they were married. He’d not been jesting about indulging her horse-breeding fantasy, which he truly believed was more than a childish whim for her—she knew an impressive amount about horseflesh.

He would spend his time in London and let her live her life. It would only rarely be important for her to leave Cross Hall. She’d need to be presented, of course, and they would move to the ducal seat when his grandfather died. But other than that, she could live the life she’d claimed to want: that of an unmarried woman, in all but name.

And you think that will make her happy? Living like a childless widow with her horses?

She wants children even less than I do.

Did she say that?

Godric paused, the glass halfway to his mouth, his brow furrowed as he tried to recall that uncomfortable conversation. Had she said she didn’t want children? Or had he just assumed it? He shrugged and took a deep pull from the glass. It didn’t matter—he didn’t want them, which was enough reason for both of them.

If he wanted to be kind to her, he would not put an unwanted child inside her, he would ignore the incessant demands of his cock and stay away from her bed and stop kissing and touching her whenever the fancy seized him.

It wasn’t that engaging in sexual acts with her would make her fall in love with him, but it would feed into her infatuation, which would mean pain for her when he finally went back to his own life.

It would be difficult for him to keep her at arm’s length, but he would ultimately be doing her a kindness. And didn’t he owe her that much, at least?

You’re such a model of restraint, a veritable beacon of decency and self-control.

Oh, bugger off, he snapped, ignoring the mocking laughter that echoed in his head as he mounted the stairs to the small room he shared with his wife-to-be.

* * *

Eva’s eyes were wide open and she was glaring at the ceiling when she heard footsteps outside the door: Godric’s footsteps. She closed her eyes just as the door opened.

She didn’t hear the sound of the door closing, and it was all she could do to keep from peeking to see what he was doing. The room was barely lit as she’d snuffed all but one stubby candle guttering on the far side of the chamber. She’d also pushed the furniture around a bit and then shoved the cot as far from the bed as possible—which wasn’t very far—the foot end facing him. Eva wished she’d had the sense to turn on her side so he couldn’t see her face, but it was too late for that now.

The wooden planks of the floor creaked softly and then came the distinctive sound of bone hitting wood, and an explosive, “Goddammit!”

Eva had to bite her lower lip hard to keep from laughing.

“So pleased to amuse you, my lady.” When she kept her eyes closed, he added, “I know you’re awake—unless you have some unusual malady that makes you choke with laughter while you sleep.”

She sighed and opened her eyes to find him rubbing his shin and glaring down at her. “Who the devil moved the bed?”

She shrugged.

He scowled, stood up, and came toward her. Eva hastily pushed herself up. “What are you doing?” She hated the fear she heard in her voice—but not as much as she hated the excitement.

He stopped abruptly. “What do you think I’m doing?”

She chewed her lip as they stared at each other in the gloom.

It was Godric who spoke first. “Go sleep in the bed. I’ll take the cot.”

Eva had to admit it was not what she’d been expecting. “I’m fine here.”

“Eva.” He used the tone that he’d not used on her recently—the commanding one—and she decided she disliked it more than she had before.