Page 85 of Say it Ain’t So

Lifting a hand, she gestured to the wall behind me, and it felt like she’d punched me in the gut. The damn crutches.

“You know I can’t use those.”

“I know you haven’t tried.”

“Dammit Joss! I have!”

A tear dripped off her chin and fell to the floor at her feet. She wiped the heels of both hands across her cheeks before tugging her hair off her neck and over one shoulder.

“I don’t have anyone else!” I edged toward her again, only to grab my leg as it throbbed with the movement.

“About that.” Something like a smile flashed across her face before it was gone. She turned her blue eyes up until they met mine. “Your parents should be here in a few minutes.”

My mouth fell open and time seemed to slow to a crawl as Joss turned back to the dresser and pulled a pair of pants from a drawer. She tugged them on over her shorts and snagged a sweater before turning back to me.

“What… What do you mean, my parents will be here? What does that mean?”

Sadness glimmered in her eyes. “I booked their flights and a hotel room, in case you weren’t comfortable with them staying here. Lee gave me the okay to pay with his credit card, since you refuse professional help⁠—”

“He doesn’t need to pay!”

“And you don’t have to do it all on your own! Don’t you get it? We love you and want to help you, and all your refusal of help is doing is pushing us all away!”

My ears rang like a gun went off. My arm felt heavy as I lifted it and wiped my hand across my mouth.

Joss pulled her sweater over her head, continuing on as if she’d never blown up, her voice now quiet and sullen. “They got in last night and they’re coming over this morning. They wanted to see you.”

They wanted to see me? I was shot over a month ago, was in the hospital for weeks after two surgeries, and had been fucking bedridden since I came home, and not once had they tried to come see me. But now they wanted to?

Joss took a can of peanuts from the windowsill—when did those get there? —and tossed it in her bag before zipping it up. “Would you like me to help you get dressed?”

I hated that she asked. I hated that she had to ask. Hated that I was incapable of taking my sweatpants and T-shirt out of my dresser when it was nothing to her. She didn’t bother waiting for my response, just came to my side and started dressing me the way she’d been doing it since I came home from the hospital.

“When are you coming back?” I asked as she turned away to grab my chair, not even bothering to broach the subject of crutches again.

“I don’t know, Rylan.” She pressed her hands to her temples, then slid her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know. Later? If you want me to?”

If I wanted her to.

Why did her question make me feel like the biggest sack of shit in the world? If I wanted her to. Didn’t she know I wanted her? Didn’t she know?

As she helped me into my chair and wheeled me into the living room, I began to wonder if she did. She barely looked at me when a knock sounded at the door, only straightened her spine and pulled on a mask I wouldn’t have realized wasn’t her real face if I hadn’t seen her wiping her eyes in my room just minutes before.

“Knock knock!” My mother’s voice rang out loud and clear as Joss swung the door open, and for half a second, my throat clenched and my chest tightened. Then Ma stepped across the threshold. “Oh, now aren’t you gorgeous,” she said to Joss before her eyes zipped around my apartment, not once looking at me. “Would you looky here, Ray, this place is even nicer than that hotel they put us in!”

She brushed by Joss, then me, and went to the windows to look out. As I watched her, I heard the thunk of Pops’s prosthetic leg as he stepped onto the tile floor.

“You must be Joss.” I turned at his voice, and my throat tightened all over again as Pops shook her hand, then pulled her into a hug. “So nice to finally meet you.”

“It’s good to meet you too.”

When he released her, Pops turned his smiling face my way. “How’s my boy? You taking good care of him?”

Joss gave an unsteady laugh. “I’m trying.”

Pops came to my side and put his hand on my shoulder before he bent to give me an awkward hug. “Good to see you, son.”

My chest hurt as I tried to suck in a breath. “Hey Pops.”