Page 99 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

Weeks worth of anxiety and exhaustion weighed me down. But I kept my back straight and my chin up. I might have cowered if we had had this conversation six months ago, but I wasn’t that girl anymore. I was filled with righteous indignation, not just for myself, but also for Jack, who had, through no fault of his own, become collateral damage.

I needed to get Dad to stop meddling in my life. I needed to appeal to him in a different way. To turn the tables back around.

“Dad,” I started, my voice steadier than my nerves. “I know that you want the best for me—for the family.”

He nodded, and I took that as assent to continue.

“And I appreciate your support. But I’m an adult. I have been for a long time. And I need to follow my own path, bumps and all. You can’t pave the way for me.”

His gaze turned steely again. It was a mistake to tell him what he could or couldn’t do.

“You,” he growled, “are a Burke of the Connecticut Burkes. With that comes both privileges and responsibilities—”

“I don’t want special treatment!” I bellowed. What little composure I had slipped away like vapor. “I want to earn what I have, not just have it handed to me. I would love to teach at Newbury, but only if I’m good enough to get there on my own. I can’t have you throwing around money and calling in favors. No one will ever respect me! I don’t respect me!”

“Would you like me to rescind the donation?”

I hoped this was a bluff, but knowing my father, it was more likely a threat. I thought of Ashley and her textbooks and new equipment that the cross-country team needed. “No. The school can use the money.”

My father smirked, and fresh fury flared in my chest.

“The school can keep your money, but I’m not accepting the job. Not like this. Not ever. I don’t need you patronizing me.”

His mouth flattened into a hard line. “Don’t be petulant. Using my resources to support my daughter hardly constitutes patronage.”

I took a step back. “If you refuse to pull your head out of your ass, then I think I’m done here. You can stay the hell away from me.”

His jaw looked like it might crack for how hard he was clenching it. “You are making a mistake. You are nothing without this name.”

We held eye contact while I zipped my coat and retrieved Alan’s keys from my pocket.

“Go to hell, Dad,” I said and slammed the door behind me.

Thoughts swirled in my brain like a centrifuge on the drive back to campus. This is what it must feel like to skydive and intentionally cut my parachute strings. For the first time in my life, I was completely on my own.

It was terrifying.

And exhilarating.

The weight of expectations which had smothered me my entire life was suddenly gone. I was light. And free. And that freedom was electrifying. It wasn’t the freedom to get everything I wanted, but it was the freedom to choose.

What I wanted more than anything was to choose Jack. There was a stabbing pain in my chest as he came to the forefront of my mind. He was something that all the money in the world wouldn’t be able to buy. In fact, trying to throw money at this particular problem would only make it worse.

I remembered the look of disdain on his face the last time he looked at me. I understood now, and I couldn’t blame him. He thought I had betrayed him and taken advantage of him. No wonder he was furious with me.

I, too, was angry on his behalf, angry at this whole broken capitalist system of haves and have nots, where people are fed the lie that hard work can get you anywhere. I finally saw what he knew all along—it was who you knew or how much money you had that determined whether you got ahead.

There was nothing I could do today to fix the system, but there was something I could do to make our situation right. He still might never speak to me again, but that didn’t change what I had to do.

I didn’t need Newbury, not like I thought I did. I was drawn back here by a sense of security and convinced myself that a paycheck meant independence. But I was wrong. Independence meant choice. I didn’t want the security and prestige of Newbury. I was in love with Jack and all I wanted was to do right by him, even if it meant giving him up.

Chapter 30

The L Word

Despite not getting back to campus until after midnight, I was dressed, made-up, and waiting outside of Richmond’s office at ten to seven when he arrived.

“You’re sure?” he asked when I slid my unsigned offer letter across his wide desk.